A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a very complicated situation. I have dated this girl on and off for 18 months and when things go well, the relationship is awesome. But unfortunately, it was a very tumultuous relationship that had several arguments and breakups. It was very dysfunctional but 1 thing is certain, we love eachother very much. The breakups were mostly a result of our poor communication skills as we let arguments escalate further and further. The last breakup was our longest and in the meantime, I met this wonderful girl whom I started seeing. While I like this girl, I am still very much in love with my ex. My ex and I still text eachother and she admitted that she can't live without me and that each day, she goes to bed crying. I feel the exact same way.I had already recognized my mistakes in the relationship before and she sent me several text messages saying how much she took me for granted and knows exactly what behavior she needs to change so we can last forever.I miss her very much and never told her about this new girl because if she learned, she would be very hurt and would stop talking to me for good!While many would say to just get back with my ex and work on our differences, the issue is that the new girl has moved in with me out of necessity. A few months ago, she followed her roomate's stupidity by trying heroin and got a habit. I got her out of that environment that was leading her to ruining her life. She actually urged me to get her out of there. She moved in for 2 weeks now and have quit the heroin after a painful 5 days. She has gotten very attached to me and I like her very much as well but my feelings are with my ex.If I was to let her out, not only does she have nowhere to go cause she abruptly broke her lease but I am pretty certain she would relapse as this is still fresh.This is a very tough situation for me to deal with and has taken a significant toll on me. I wish I could just openly tell both girls the situation but they will both be devastated and that would be the last of my intentions.Please advise
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 February 2013):
 OP have you ever done any reading on co-dependency???
Your post SCREAMS to me that you are very co-dependent...that you THRIVE On someone NEEDING you.
that is NOT the hallmark of a healthy relationship.
Breaking up once and getting back together... I can see that... multiple break ups over years... key indication that it's not a good relationship.
Your current roommate is in recovery... and part of a healthy recovery is NO relationships for a year... I strongly suggest you get her to a proper facility that can care for her emotional, mental and physical needs...
the fact that you took her to your home and detoxed her without any medical intervention is very disconcerting and irresponsible on your part.
Do her a favor... get her to a proper rehab and out of your home.
do your ex a favor and cut contact with her till you figure out what you want in your life for you...
I sense you are a bit dramatic yourself... and that's not always a good thing... have you ever done any counseling for yourself?
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 You're jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. Trust me OP, you don't need either of these women into your life. You might feel that you love your ex and while there's no doubting your feelings, you will realize sooner or later that she wasn't meant for you. The last thing anyone needs is a dysfunctional, volatile relationship and while you might think that its the passion that is leading to it all, sadly its not. Its just plain dysfunctional.
As regards the second girl, you barely even know her! The last thing that you need right now is to deal with a recovering drug addict! That's not your job nor is it your place to be in. Let her sort her own problems, help her as a friend but not as a potential partner. There is a difference between the two.
You desperately need some time alone, without either of these girls in the picture. Dont jump from a bad situation to a worse one.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 One is an ex. The other is a recovering drug addict/new roommate. Neither has to learn about the other. Tell your ex that you will keep in touch but you are not ready for a relationship yet. Tell your new roommate that the living situation is temporary and that she has to get on her own feet again. She has somewhere to go. Do some research. After she leaves the possibility of a relapse is not your concern anymore.
It's good to be single for a while. Don't be too impatient to fill in a void. You could be exposing yourself to questionable characters. That new girl could be stealing your stuff then pawning it for more drugs.
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