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male
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anonymous
writes: hi ive been with my girlfriend for 10 years and we planned to buy a house and settle down together, the only problem was there was little or no sex, ive recently met someone and ive fallen for her and the sex is amazing. i could make a life with either girl but i cant decide which i should spend my life with. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): in my advice i would say the new one the other one if you had sex with her that is no good because when women taste mens dick they become sex searchers oftenly she might had sex with another guy while you didnt know so i would suggest the new one
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006): You need to break up with the long-term girl. If you were really committed to her, you would not have let this happen. I am sure, after ten years, it is hard to imagine life without her and it is leaving your comfort zone to do this but it is the right thing to do. It will hurt her but your actions have already hurt her and she will cop on - girls are like that, she may already have an inkling so tell her straight and she will at least feel less of a fool. As for the new girl, take things slow with her in terms of commitment but let her know how much you care and that you do see a future with her if that is the case.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006): Hi anonymous male,tricky one this. Do you feel you get on with the new girl on all levels, or just sexually? Ten years is a long time with no sex in a relationship - is it possible that this is really a platonic relationship but you called it "going out" so it's hard to change things now? You do need to tell your long-term girlfriend - you have cheated on her and it may be time to break-up with her if you don't feel you have the spark that makes a relationship move from the platonic to the sexual... Sex may fade but with her it never started... Does the new girl know about the long-term girl? Who do you feel that you are more honest with? You may feel very protective of the long-term girl but maybe you are better as friend than as boyfriend/girlfriend. There are lots of questions here, I know but this is because you can answer your question yourself by asking yourself these other questions. By having sex with the new girl, you really have put the ten year relationship in jeopardy but if you really want to make a go of it with her and be together forever, it may be possible but you will need to come clean so that she has the full facts and can choose to move on. Have you told her you want to cool things for the moment? You may need to actually tell her the full facts 'cause she has the right to know so she can make an informed decision. Good luck - I hope you end up with the right girl! Don't make any decisions to settle down with either for a while though, you need to come through this!
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (28 February 2006):
 Pick the one you love cos amazing sex doesnt always last, love does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006): I have no advice, just some thoughts to share. Frankly, I have huge reservations about men (or women) who don’t end their ongoing relationships, but instead, decide to cheat. Sex may be amazing but that's the way it usually is, in new relationships. Even exciting sex, if it stays the same for several years, will eventually get boring. I wonder where you will be with this new woman in say...about5- 10 years down the road? You feel entitled to 'amazing sex' and are meeting a short-term need at a greater cost than perhaps, you realize. It plainly obvious, that sexual intercourse boosts your self-esteem and helps you feel good about yourself. What's also so sad...this is just sex and this is only all about 'you.'
Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a committed relationship with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter. Cut the long term gf loose, because I think, this is what you will do anyways. Tell her asap and take responsibility for the pain you will cause. She will move on...and I hope she finds a man that understands about solidarity, givingness, commitment and what it means to hold each other up, through tough times. Good luck
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 February 2006):
 I bet you've really enjoyed reading these replies!
OKay, you must realise that what you have done is cheating and there isn't an excuse for that. It would be best if you came clean with your current girlfriend as, of course, she deserves better.
I think also what you need to do is realise what is important to you. Obviously a fulfilling sex life is very important to you (as it is to many of us). Now you know this, understand that your next relationship should have sex in it to make it okay for you.
Relationships are about far more than just sex, however, so you need to get the balance right.
The most important thing that you have learnt through all this is what you want and need in a relationship but you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let your girlfriend know how you feel and what is happening and if you are both unable to rescue the relationship, move on and eventually find what you are looking for without breaking any hearts along the way.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 February 2006):
 I don't know how old you are or how much you've talked about this with your partner. Try to find a way to fix this. It's really too bad you chose the easy way out before doing the harder work of fixing things. It's sad how easily people are willing to hurt the ones they "love". There is never an excuse for it. You should always end your current relationship before you become a cheater.
Whe you're more mature, yo'll see that while sex is important, there is much more. Having said all that, if you have talked about this and asked her to work on it but she refused, leave. You can't force her to do it. Maybe she isn't interested in you!
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (28 February 2006):
 leave them both but tell them both the truth like female anon says, your 10 year girl needs to know what youve done to her so she can make an informed choice to move on and start getting over you, the truth is you love niether of these women to treat them the way you do, let them go they deserve better and you if a relationship is what you want need to spend some time alone working out exactly what it is you want before you start stringing anyone along
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (28 February 2006):
 You know what you are going to do so why write in, your current partner of 10 years has given you 10 years of her life and I suspect she feels the relationship is going well.
Sex does get stale after awhile, and what you will realise when you go out with the new one is that at first it is a marathon and once you settle down into a relationship it tails off a little as mundane things like being tired and not wantin sex until 3am on work night come into it.
The new one will in time be no different from the old one, then you will find another new one and it all starts again.
You are not in love with the new one, you are "in lust".
Do the decent thing and break up with current partner as she does not deserve to be treated this way and then take a look at yourself, maybe the fault in the bedroom department lies with you, did you just forget to make the effort!!
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (28 February 2006):
 Easy, the girl with the sex. Anything else would be foolish, and you will cheat on your no-sex girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006): you dont deserve either you pig, you are cheating on your girl of 10 years just because there is little sex in your relationship. let me guess the sex has decreased or gotten boring and instead of resolving the matter like a man you instead go and sleep with someone else. your a gutless piece of sh*t and you need to tell your girlfriend of 10years what you have done because she needs to know the truth so she can move on with her life and find herself a faithful and commited man. your post tells me that you have no guilt about what you are doing and all your worried about is sex, i really hate men like you and i really think both women in this situation can do so much better.
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