A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My age is a big factor in this situation. I have 2 male friends who have a liking towards me. Well call one A and 1 B , A i have known longest but he isnt 'stable' doesnt have a regular job and can be up and down with things but said he wants kids with me B is very stable but is more laid back and slow at getting round to more detailed things so to speak. He said if he has kids it happens if it doesnt it doesnt. I do like them both enough to have a relationship with either of them. Basically i would like to be in a relationship and have the chance to have a baby. I do prefer B over A in this situation but he isnt in any rush. I have looked into adoption and fostering but its not an option right now ( or foreseeable future ). Its not a case of settling if i chose A. I do work and everything is stable in my life. They both know of each other but dont know each other or any history ive had with either. Its not a case that i have a choice, they both might not want a relationship with me when it comes down to it. It might sound like im being picky but because i prefer B should i explain that due to my age i rush for certain things and that i do have someone interested and im considering them i want a child and if he has any interest to speak up. Im not expecting him to drop everything and rush to having a kid with me but to see if theres a future and then the next step would happen a bit faster ( within a year instead of in a couple of year as itll be too late for me ) or should i go with A who is up for kids straight away but isnt 100% stable or reliable. coronavirus isnt helping as i cant see either at the minute and its taking more of my valuable time from me. I dont want to look back and regret not taking a chance with one of them Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2020): It doesn't really seem like you care for either of them to me. I think you're choosing a sperm-donor.
If I was choosing between two people, commonsense and my heart would tell me go for the one that cares for me as much as I care for that person. That's not what this is about.
Why would you want a man who isn't stable and usually unemployed? I guess he'd workout if you just wanted to get pregnant and ditch the father. You better hope his DNA is worth the gamble.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (5 August 2020):
 This might sound harsh and if it does I don't mean too but here's the thing.... your biological clock is ticking and you seem to be looking for a baby daddy.
That doesn't make you a bad person but it sounds more like your shopping for a man to give you a child than someone to share your life with.
Let's look at that, Man A is clearly not the one, he might want to be a dad but can he provide for them and for you? It's an important consideration.
Man B is cautious and careful and non-committal which is ok but you feel like you're against the clock and can't waste time on something that might not happen.
You're pinning all your future dreams on being a mum and that's ok but there's no guarantee that either of these men, or you, are fertile for that matter.
Many children are raised in single-parent households and their parents do an amazing job but it might not have been their dream to raise that child alone and I'm sure they'd tell you how very hard it is.
You haven't at any point mentioned anything about being in love, being loved or finding love, commitment and someone to share your future with. You've only said you would "like to be in a relationship and have the chance to have a baby"
You don't appear to be enamoured with either of these men, you're comparing them based on their fatherhood abilities.
Where are the butterflies in your tummy and the excitement when they've messaged you and the anticipation of talking on the phone or going for a walk?
I think you need to be totally clear about you really want.......to yourself and if that's a baby, then think about the options open to you again.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): You are looking at what these guys might or not not provide for you and a child but what can you provide for the child and these guys? They are not just there to get you pregnant and then pay for everything and help you. If you find a guy who has a great job and a good income he might say that he does not want a woman unless she is a career woman too. He is happy to pay towards a good lifestyle if she does too. It is not as black and white as you say, and you cannot call all of the shots.
Being a single mum is the solution if you are as financially stable as you expect your man to be.
Far simpler, safer, quicker.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 August 2020):
 I have to agree, I'd go for neither.
While A is nice I'm sure, he is a bit of a loser (no offense really) and B is nice too, you would be way past your fertile age before he gets into action or if it happens faster he might not realllllly want it.
If you WANT a baby, but also a GOOD daddy for the baby, I'd look elsewhere.
...............................
A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (3 August 2020):
 Hello dear,It sounds that a child is something you are definitely wanting in your life. I am sorry to if I sound harsh here but perhaps neither are suitable? Mr A does not sound like somebody who is fully equipped to take care of a child with not having any stability in his life which is key when having children. Perhaps have a talk with Mr B about seriously having children in the future and make him aware of how important that is to you. Whoever you choose will be very important if you plan on them being a co-parent. Mr A just doesn't sound like the right choice.Also, have you considered a sperm bank and raising a child yourself? Is that possible for you? Perhaps it isn't the best idea to just settle for either of these men because of your goal to have a child.I'm sorry if I'm out of line but that is my opinion on what I have read from your story.Take care and best of luck to you.
...............................
|
