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female
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writes: I love 2 men and dont know what to do. Mike has been my boyfriend for the past 3 years on and off. There is 16years difference between us and he is an alcoholic. We have been through a lot and he is constantly letting me down. I love him and if he turned around tomorrow and asked me to marry him. I would aginst my family and friends wishes. Problem is he wouldn't ask me. I belive he feels the same way about me as I do him I think he is afraid of commitment and as much as I love him I know we are going no where fast. The other man Joe I have known for about 1 year now and we started dateing about 6 months ago when me and Mike were seperated. Joe is extreamly kind hearted very concered with my needs and will do almost anything to make me happy inculding marrying me if giving the opertunity to. Most of the time I am with him we are having a grate time. When I am not with him he is always asking me ?? I dont think he trust me now because I have borken up with him to go back to Mike I know in my head that Joe is good for me but I dont feel the same way about him as I do Mike they are both in my life now and I dont know what to do. Do I give up a person I love but know is not good for me for a person I know is good for me that I have strong feelings for but dont love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): well.... i am also in the same situation.... Ive been with my current bf for almost 2 years. i love him but ive had this close guy friend thative known for the past two years also. even before i was dating my current bf. well, ive known all along that my guy friend has liked me/ loved me and we just have this chemistry something that me and my bf do not have. Theres jsut something about him that makes me happy and secure. But my bf has the life i have always wanted. His family gets along great with mine and we are in the same bracket or class. My close friend is in a much lower class... he is poor and his parents used to do drugs. But there is jsut something about him that i love and care for. He is always there for me and knows me better than anyone. One problem is that i have to make a choice. another is that my good friend is leaving for the marines in about a month. i jsut dont have a clue what to do? Go with my heart? or go with the life i want?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): Hi, I have been a male in the situation you are in, I am like a Joe who loves a woman I have had a 4 year relationship with we are best friends , Soul mates and Lovers and i would marry her tomorrow but she wont marry me, got close once. There is a mike in the picture and he is also an Alcoholic funny enough, but has been a partner of hers for 14 years and she has step kids that she loves dearly along with the family thing that's dear to her.She does not love this man at all but cares for him and if he took sick would be there like a flash, he is verbally abusive and a control freak but she still can't get angry with him.She has been back to live with him twice and left both times as it is not what she wants, he can give her a nice house and security but is that a reason to live a lonley life with a control freak no friends, no social life.I have let her go back to him and tried to get on with my life, but deep down I have always loved her and will walk over hot coals for her.I am a romantic and very tactile and she loves that, she left me again for the 4th time six moths ago and is now seeing her ex for friendship and living on her own, but is still torn between me and him, I am what she wants in a man but cant give her a future, her ex she does not love but likes the life.I have been seeing her still on and off talk every night, email daily etc and best friends, the other day I put a stop to the friendship as every time I see her I just love her to bits, and I was not getting the relationship I wanted out of this, so I shut her down as hard as it was and said in an email I can't go on pretending around you that I don't love you because i do.She instantly broke down around friends and family and was not coping but I tried to stay strong and not connect.She then text me a day later to say she is going to see a counsellor as she does not understand the void and feelings she gets when I am not there. Now we are talking again and trying to sort this mess out, but what I see is she will not cut the ex from her life and she won't cut me from her life, so she has two men .This is not healthy for either party as it becomes a love triangle, I believe someone has to break the triangle but who is it going to be, the ex? no he needs her she fits his picture very selfish and needs to control and won't let up and has not for 4 years.My partner she can't let me go as I give her what she wants but can't give her a future? Me.. well I tried and now we are back to square one, I know I have to let go as much as it hurts me, why should I just except crumbs in this relationship, I deserve better .Someone has to take control and if the woman doesn't then one of the men will. For you my advice would be search your heart not your head, don't try and analyse the situation, if your heart is not in love with Joe but he gives you what you want maybe letting mike go and puting 100% into Joe will cause you to grow to love him, unless you put 100% in to your relationship it will never work.If you choose Mike you will have to put up with the drinking and do you really love him or do you in fact just care for him a lot, there is a difference. I am still trying to sort my mess out and I wish you all the best with your two men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): i am in exactly in the same situation, well nearly. i have been with my current boyfriend for a while now and hes my first love, and my first sexual partner. but then a few months ago i met someone else and we have become really close frineds. all of my friends tellme that he feels the same way about me as i do him, and i really think he does. only problem is that him and my boyfriend had a fight over me the other day and now they are enimies. i know who i want to be with, the new guy, not because its new or exciting, but because he feels like hes my soulmate, the one that im meant to be with. i just dont know quite how to go about anything. im in love with both of them.
id love to help you, so as soon as ive sorted my own problems then ill help you with yours. xxx
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (30 November 2005):
 It sounds to me that neither of these man are "the love of your life" or your "soul mate". If either of them were, there wouldnt be a decision, you would know what to do. Stop trying to decide on a guy, and start looking at whats going to make you happy. You dont love the nice guy- so he wont be able to make you completely happy, and the mean guy- well he will never be able to give you what you want- committment. Take some time out for yourself. A break from both of them. See whats out there other than these two guys. I know that Im giving you the harder option and after being in a relationship for the past 3 years you probably dont feel up to being single, but you have to choose for YOU. Think about what will make you the happiest that you can be. I really dont think you will find it with either of these guys. Good luck and best wishesx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): Yes.
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A
male
reader, Monk +, writes (30 November 2005):
Ah, the boring guy versus the exciting guy dilemma. Boring guy is harmless and unoriginal but steady, while the exciting guy isn't stable but adds a bit of Hollywood to your otherwise dull life. The solution: have both, if you think you can be careful. Marry the guy who will provide for you. Love him as you would a brother. Family and friends will be relieved. On the side, you can hang out with your romantic love interest. Meet him a couple times a month. Just be careful. You'll have excitement and stability. If you mess up, you'll lose the nice guy but you'll sorta have the interesting guy. Or stay with the nice guy exclusively and find excitement vicariously through films or maybe online. The worst decision to make is to go with the exciting guy, even if that's what you really want. Might as well take a chance to see if you can have both. If you can't, then the decision is made for you - you're back at square one.
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