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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: A guy of 40 I'm chatting to online lost everything in his divorce. He said he kissed his wife's best friend and that her friend was jealous of their relationship. His wife of 10 years never trusted him again. To me this sounds a bit far fetched. Two children and a home together breaking down over a kiss. Something doesn't add up. Should I not bother meeting him?
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best friend, divorce, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 I would not bother since it sounds much like he's "gilding the lily" so to speak.
either way the guy thinks very little of his marital vows....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2015):
 There probably IS more to the story, but that is how HE chooses to remember it and pass it on. Like "it's no big deal" but the women overreacted kind of excuse.
The fact that he is downplaying a KISS with HIS wife's BEST FRIEND I'd say means 1. he isn't taking responsibility and 2. he seems to think it was nothing 3. seems quite selfish.
I'd skip this one. Mostly for the fact that he is giving you a negative gut reaction. And someone who will do that to his WIFE will have less qualms with a GF.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 Even if it was just a kiss, that's cheating. And with the wife's BEST FRIEND even. Tells you something about his loyalty and ability to think straight. His actions tell me that this is a man who is selfish and cares more about his own needs than the needs of those who depend on him and love him. If he wanted to have an affair, he should have chosen a woman the wife didn't know. This was a double blow to his wife.
And yeah, just a kiss? I don't buy that either.
Don't date cheaters. If he's flaunting this experience around, it shows he doesn't feel shameful over it. If he was ashamed, he'd keep it to himself. To me this means he does not regret cheating, he only regrets being caught, and he is likely to cheat again. On you next time, if you let him.
Just back away, this man has too many red flags covering him.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 Hon, I suspect it was the final straw that broke his wife's back. He has probably been cheating on her for ages and when this last incident occurred she probably had enough.
This guy is now playing 'victim' to make you feel sorry for him, but what happened only happened because he made the choice to cheat.
I would be very wary of this man, as he just sounds sorry that he got caught.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (8 December 2015):
You say that something doesn’t add up, but he might just believe that this was the issue. In fact, it was probably the trigger and the final straw in a relationship that was probably troubled for some time. Perhaps she ended it after the kiss, and perhaps it was the reason she gave. It was quite a betrayal but I expect the relationship was experiencing problems beforehand. That doesn’t mean he’s a liar, or any more of a cheat than you already know him to be. Maybe she was the unreasonable one most of the time, so he sought an escape in the kiss. That’s another way to look at it. The point is, you just don’t know, and you certainly don’t know that if there is more to it, he’s done anything really bad. He’s certainly paid a heavy price. My advice, then, is meet him if you want but take things slowly and cautiously, as anyone should anyway. He’s certainly been honest enough to admit that he kissed his wife’s best friend, so maybe you’ll find out more if things progress.
I wish you all the very best.
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