A
male
age
36-40,
*hatGuy85
writes:I know a lot of guys have problems getting laid, but I’m having a crisis. I’m 25 years old and considered a virgin by everyone. In reality, I did lose my virginity, but not in a way that is something I would brag about. Nothing illegal or immoral, just something arranged. Recently, I’ve been very unhappy with my life. I’m in college going into my masters. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m very shy when out by myself in social events. I don’t know how to flirt or seduce and I’ve never had a woman flirt with me. I see sex nearly everywhere and it makes me so frustrated that everyone I know is having sex and can be in relationships so easily and yet I panic. I feel like I’m becoming a bitter old man before I hit my 30s.What can I do? A lot of people keep telling me to be more positive or have more self-confidence, but self-confidence doesn’t come from thin air and its hard to be positive and sincere about it if you’re so used to looking at the bad.My friends also tell me that getting laid will make me loosen up and they're looking for me to get laid, but I don't know what to do.Thanks for reading
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flirt, never had a girlfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I'm 28, a good looking guy, 6'7", fit, redhead, good sense of humor, intelligent, blah blah blah. I've had sex for about 10 minutes. Ever. And I was drunk off my ass. I was overprotected as a kid, and went through some tough family stuff as a teenager that made me bottle my emotions up tight. I've been Googling around, looking for support and kindred spirits. There's some, scattered about...but it's mostly a slew of typo queens, pity partiers, strict Christians, and all the girls that are looking for some poor sap to talk to after getting burned by their last boyfriend. Oh, and the nerdy guys who hate themselves. I'm fairly confident that there's only one way to solve this problem. Prepare yourself for a year of crippling, stumbling embarrassment until you get with the program. Make yourself purposefully vulnerable, and expect outright rejection, ridicule, and humiliation. Just be perfectly, shamelessly honest. Yep, this is my flap of skin. I don't know how to sling it. (To a lady) I'd like you to show me. Or just shake your head and walk away. Whatever you gotta do. The alternative is to just keep jerking off to weirder and weirder porn until you get old. People will tell me that I'm wrong - that I should keep waiting for the 'right one' that will be patient with me and understand my situation.I think that's a myth - a Steve Carell movie that has no substance. 40-yr old Virgin was hilarious. But they show him 'kicking ass' his first time in the sack. Funny, I don't see it going down that way in real life. I think that the odds of meeting a woman as emotionally fucked up / scared as I am, who is attractive, are slim to none. I'm not even close to religious, and, well, hot girls don't have to get erections. It's not like they can fail, flopping onto the bed, embarrassed. You just get on the thing. There's nothing to really keep them from getting what they want, unless they're hideous - in which case, that can be remedied. So I'm just gonna see what flies. Enough is enough, I'm not going to go into my thirties with this 'little bitch' attitude. CheersD
A
female
reader, missyfit +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Please don't do a one night stand! In my opinion, first time should be with the one you love( or at least care about) and it should be memorable! Not something you will regret in the future. Come on, one night stand? Eh...
But then again, it's your decision, I'm just stating my opinion.
Think hard before you do something that changes your life forever! :)
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A
male
reader, ThatGuy85 +, writes (1 March 2011):
ThatGuy85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all your support, I usually can't talk about this thing because, of course, no one empathizes with the virgin. And I can't tell them I lost my virginity because I'm not proud of how I lost it. Again, nothing illegal or immoral.
I tried asking a girl out once, but I let it fizzle because I regreted asking her immediatly afterward, something that haunts me to this day because she is a very nice girl and one of the few who talked to me without me feeling like I'm pulling teeth. We're still good friends and sometimes I suprise her with candy. (She's a foriegn exchange student and she once said she never had American candy before). I'm hoping to salvage the relationship.
But this being a virgin thing is driving me crazy because, for one thing I'm horny almost all the time, which I hate. And also I feel that I'm missing my peak, or whatever they call it. I don't know if its true, but sometimes I wonder.
I have a friend who's trying to set me up for a one-night stand, but so far that's a bust. As for female friends and relatives, I don't have any female relatives that know people in my age range and I don't really have any female friends.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 February 2011):
 I don't think getting yourself laid will solve the problem. It sounds to me like you want more than a one night fling. I think GeeGee had a great idea - you should look for a shy girl to ask on a date. There are tons of women out there who are waiting to be pursued, and are simply way too shy to do something about it themselves. At the next social event, find the girl who looks as nervous and shy as you and strike up a conversation.
The more activities you get involved with, the more people you will meet. Do you have any female friends or relatives? Do not underestimate the power of set-ups! You might want to try that avenue out too.
Best of luck, sweet! You sound like the kind of guy I'd want to date. A girl is going to be very lucky to find you!
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A
female
reader, missyfit +, writes (27 February 2011):
Hey there,
I know you feel you're at the point where your friends are getting "some" and you're not. I think it's really nice that you're a virgin at your age! I mean, virginity is a special thing and once it's over, it's done! I say, you wait and find that special someone! don't be jealouse of your friends who are having sex all the time! You might be a turtle.. you know, the one who hides and all but you just have to be confident in yourself and try to get girls to notice you! Converse with them! trust me, we don't bite :) Btw, if you're friends are telling you to get laid and you don't know what to do, then don't do it! You have to feel it's a right thing to do not just do what others say! you know what I mean? You have to put yourself out there so people will notice you! It might get tough out there just a warning, but you really do have to start somewhere.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Find a shy girl your own age and ask her out. Everyone has to start somewhere.
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