A
female
age
,
*arendes
writes:My man friend (been together 12 years) has a porn addiction. In the last 6 months..he's given out his phone number so these nasty ladies can contact him by text.He say's it's just a game. The other day I looked at his history and discovered he's been searching some repulsive illegal sexual options.This is really distrubing me. It's like when the cat's away..the mouse will play. Today he was searching all kinds of repulsive things again. Help..should I dump him?????????????????
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 October 2012):
Oh dear, he sounds like an addict in denial. And those...you can't help them or make them see clearly. They need to get there on their own and IF that even happens, he usually has to hit rock bottom first. Do you want to be around when that happens?
You sound like a very sensible person. Loyal too. You've given him all the tools to better himself, including a good incentive (=you) but I'm afraid that he's just going to act by hiding it better. I think that deep down he doesn't see he has a problem and that he's just nodding at you to keep you content while he continues doing what he does. This is a phase most addicts go through but very few of them actually move on from that.
You're going to have to actively monitor your husband's online behavior while keeping in mind he may start using proxy servers and e-mail aliases to throw you off his scent. It's a no-win situation because by now he's proved he's willing to lie in your face to keep this addiction going.
So what you can do now is: grab your bags and leave. If anything will be a wakeup call, that's it. (No guarantee though and if you take him back he'll take the porn back too.)
or
confront him with his lies and then ask him how you can ever trust a word out of his mouth again when it comes to stuff like this.
In the end though, I'm sorry to say it, but I think this guy is doomed. You just have to decide whether you want to be dragged down with him.
A
female
reader, darendes +, writes (26 October 2012):
darendes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmore on my man with porn addiction. I suppose this has been goin on for longer than I realized.. I think I had blinders on last year..I don't think it really escalated until this year when his self-esteem was in the dust due to unemployment.He and I live AND work together. I am 10 years older than he, and have a lot more relationship experience. He is a beautiful man in many ways, and I'm very co-dependant. But without me, he has less than 1/2 his income, no car and no home. I explained to him that there's a very high price to pay for his compulsion, that perhaps he redirects his energy and becomes an extremely excellent lover instead.I even bought some instruction video's recently.
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A
female
reader, darendes +, writes (26 October 2012):
darendes is verified as being by the original poster of the question...a contination to the above question pertaining to my man friend's repulsive porn addiction. Yes, I have confronted him. It's been several times now since I first realized what's been going on earlier this year. I also laid the cards out on the table asking just what his intentsions are pertaining to this. And provided him a website where he can get help, making him relize he DOES indeed hve a problem.He agreed with me, and affirmed. He even signed up for help. I thought everything was going ok, then I was gone the other day for a while, when I got home the history had been cleared on the computer. i said' hmm' I know where to check it anyway, and I was astonished at what I saw.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 October 2012):
 if he continues on this slippery slide into the depths of depravity, depending on the repulsive illegal porn that has now taken his fancy, then you need to ask yourself:
If he decides to act upon his fantasies and the things he enjoys watching on the porn images he searches out now, then the next step is:
" think what this could become?"
Take your thoughts to how far he could go?
And low he could go?
And how destroyed you will feel inside if he does act on on his fantasies? Could you endure the emotional pain and shame that this would cause?
I once recall a Police officer said that the reason they took "peeping Toms" so seriously is that eventually just watching was never enough for such "Peeping Toms". That such "Peeping Toms" eventually, if not stopped earlier, all wanted to go on to act out their fantasies. Thus the Police view was that it was better to arrest "Peeping Toms" and throw the book at them, before they went too far.
So I say, better to leave him before he brings shame on your home and by association, on you, for trusting that he would not go one step too far.
Leave him now.
He has stepped over the line.
You don't need to be associated with him any longer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): Confront him.
Tell him it's you or his porn.
If he "says" he chooses you, set up search restrictions on computer (where you're the only one with the password). Insist that he receive counselling. People like this are very selfish, and they don't actually realize the implications it has on their partners.
To be honest, this relationship will take a lot of work.
You need to decide if he's worth it.
You also need to determine whether or not the TRUST can exist between you two (even if he agrees to do the above things)...
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 Yes, I think you should.
For starters there is the huge financial burden his addiction places on both of you. Not to mention possible legal or health risks you may be exposed to. The more repulsive his interests the more repulsive will be those who satisfy them. I'm not an expert in this field, but when it comes to some of the more risky services, the women are desperate, in danger and don't work alone. Some may have ties to criminal elements.
Your man friend may have his good points, but the bad ones are really bad. His first loyalty is to sexual gratification, so you already are alone. Staying with him just places additional burden on you and exposes you to unnecessary risks.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (26 October 2012):
Yes, you should dump him. Don't be surprised if he trys to play you for a fool and makes up excuses (it wasn't me it was a computer virus, OR my computer was hacked, I didn't do it.)
Things will not improve if you stay. If he uses your computer to search for these thins, you coukd get in trouble too. You have to do what is best for you in this situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): Oh yeah. Because he will never change. i think he's a maniac.. Really, honest.. I think you also find it gross, otherwise you wont ask here.. right? so follow your instinct..
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