A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off the last year and a bit I've been on and off with this guy (j). More off than on to be honest. We started seeing each other in September and it finished early November. But in that time I fell in love with him, and I've been through a huge amount of heart break because of him the last year. I've been giving him second chances literally every week for the last year and we still argue and fall out. I mean this is the guy who went to a strip club after a week of dating me, and used me for sex on multipul occasions. He has done so much to me to hurt me the past year and I was stupid enough to give him second chances. Recently I've just overcame my depression, which I've had for about 5/6 years, but since I've overcame it I've made changes to my life, I gave (j) a final second chance and he blew it completely. But because I can control my moods now I've not been upset over him. But this guy (l) who I had a few encounters with in February when me and (j) were not together, started talking to me again, so I went to see him a few months ago and again we did 'something'(not sex), which I really regret and i was stupid enough to go through. He stopped speaking to me again after, but I didn't get upset over this because I knew it would happen, but I let myself go through it. I'm never upset because I can't trust them and I always know it will happen, because I'm stupid enough to let it.But I've known this boy (g) for about 2 years now. And he's like a best friend. I really like him, we had sex, and were still like we used to be, but I like him more than I did and I know he's helped me through my depression a great deal even though he doesn't know this. But my question is, how do I learn to trust him? I can't trust any one any more and even though I've over came my depression now its still always in the back of my mind what the other guys are like. And (g) isn't showing any signs of liking me, he just teases me about what we did and he goes on about seeing me again, which is a hint but I really don't know. And I don't know how to ask him about it either.I'm not on this for criticism, I have done some daft things so I know what some of you will think, but I really want an outsiders point of view how to learn to trust in my situation.
View related questions:
best friend, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 The one you really need to learn to trust is yourself. Or rather earn your own trust and yuo do this gradually by making wise choices.
If you stand on the edge of a precipice you're going to feel insecure and afraid. This is healthy and normal. the solution is to remove yourself to a safe distance instead of remaining at the edge and forcing yourself to overcome your fear.
Likewise with people, the way to be more secure and confident with others is to a)be sure in the knowledge that you will speak up for what you want and need, calmly and honestly. And b)be more discrimminating in your choice of friends and lovers.
As for 'g', his teasing and hinting about meeting you again may be his way of showing interest. You won't know until you approach him directly.
You could say something like 'I enjoyed that night too, and if that is something you want to continue in the future, it would have to be as a couple. You can let me know if you decide that's something you want.'
You might want to tweak it a bit, but the idea is to let him know what you want and expect without cornering him to reveal his feelings. Oh and if he says that's what he wants, you don't just hop into bed. He doesn't need to keep sleeping with you to figure out if you're girlfriend material. He's known you long enough by now. So if he does, then make it official. If he doesn't want to make it official and gives you some rubbish about wanting to take it slow then remember, if it's too soon to call you his girlfriend, then it is too soon to be having sex.
|
