A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone in school and my university knows. OMG!!!!!!!! what can i do? should i move? i cant believe this, i cant even go out! my life sucks, hope no one other than me ever has to experience this. Everyone will always look down on me, and laugh.I dont deserve this, I am a shy person whos is too nice to people, now this.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 Since the proverbial cat is already out of the bag and life hasn't come to a crashing end, I say stay where you are.
Starting anew somewhere else just means you'll have the worry of discovery hanging over your head once again.
It's uncomfortable, to say the least, I get that, but nothing lasts forever, good or bad. Just get through university and this phase will be behind you.
In the meantime, if anyone is rude enough to bring it up be deadpan about it. The more of an issue you make it, the more others will. People already know you're not your mother so don't feel obliged to compensate or make justifications.
A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (19 October 2014):
Do you love your mom? Is she the one supporting you all these years? I wouldn't care what someone said about my mom or her profession. All I would understand is that woman loves me, she provided me with a good home, she did all she could for me.....etc etc. Don't judge your mom like the rest of those people. In the big picture of life those people will speak about you for 5 seconds and move onto gossip about someone else.Just live your life. You can't control what others think or say about you (or your mom). Some people will always have something to say.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 October 2014):
 I'd be curious to know how did you find out all of a sudden about your mother's line of work. It's a job and lifestyle with particular habits and schedules that are hard to hide. I had a friend who was in your situation, she had started having a vague idea about mom's job when she was still a child, and had full certainty and knowledge by age 13.
Second, how do you know that " everybody " knows. Who's everybody. Even a small college will have a few thousands students, do they ALL know ? how would they know, unless your mom advertises with full name ( and YOUR surname ) on the students' bulletin board.
Moral, I think you may be exaggerating or misinterpreting some particular episode that could be read other ways too.
If instead, that's exactly what your mother has chosen to do for a living- yes, that will carry with itself somewhat of a social stigma, and a few jibes and sneers, I suppose. But, 1) she is still your mother anyway 2 ) what has this got to do with you. You are not a prostitute, are you ? You are not pimping for her. It's not your fault what she does.
This is not different than the ( probably ) several of your college mates who will have the misfortune of having a parent in jail. For drugs. Or for tax evasion. For anything possible.
It's on the parent, it's not on them. Not necessarily the son of a criminal is a criminal, and obviously not necessarily the son of a prostitute is a prostitute.
Yes, I repeat, there may be some social stigma, or some barbed irony. You can handle it- you don't need to run away, because YOU haven't done anything and your mother's choices do not deprive you of your right to study. You do not have to talk about it or advertise it. If openly asked ( which should not happen, I hope ) you can refuse to talk about it. Just make clear that this is not up for discussion and that your mother's choices are only hers and obviously she did not ask your permission to do what she does.
As for it may be less of an ordeal than you think, and raise less eyebrows than you think, true too. The poster who talks about student prostitution in Europe- hehe. What she says is true- but- you should see in USA :). I was attending an acting school, and yes, of course it was maybe a more bohemien environment than a regular college, but, up to a point; it was a serious, exacting , reputable school.
Naive me (married,and 10 ot 15 years older than the average of my classmates ) was shocked at first to find out the huge percentage of classmates - both females and males - who resorted to , let's say, - creative ways to pay the school fees. For some pople it's just a phase of their life in which they " do what they gotta do to get what they gotta get ". Not that I approve of this sort of shortcuts, mind you- anyway, just saying that probably quite a few of your fellow students would not be critical of your mother IF they knew ( since I still think it's impossible that " everybody " knows ).
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (18 October 2014):
Sounds like she must be a pretty good mom if that's been her profession all these years and you are just now realizing it at your age.
There are hundreds of thousands of prostitutes, and they are ALL someone's daughters,sons, sisters, mothers, uncles, aunts, etc. (Yup, plenty of male prostitutes, too.
It has always existed, always will, and we need to stop stigmatizing people who work in that industry. They are humans, not horrible monsters that should be shunned.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (18 October 2014):
Dear OP,
I can understand that you're in total shock, so you'll need some time to integrate this new information and see what are the consequences.
My opinion is, that 1) you are not your mother and 2) you're a grown up man. This is university, not primary school, and you don't have to expect a group of bullies making fun of you in the schoolyard. I don't think everybody is going to judge you based on your mother, because they are not children anymore.
I think you're totally exaggerating when you say everybody will always look down on you and laugh. First of all, everyone has their own problems and people won't invest all their time to pick on you. Second, those people that liked you before this will still like you after. Third, maybe you didn't notice, but students might have financial problems as well and may understand that some women prostitute themselves. At least in europe, student prostitution is not totally unheard of and there might even be some people who feel sorry for your mother and for you.
What would interest me is, how did you and "everyone else" find out that your mother is a prostitute? Did you know it for a longer time or is this new? Did you have an opportunity to talk to your mother and find out her reasons why she did that?
Anyway. I think in 6 months, you'll find out that this event has way less of an impact on you than you fear now. If I'm wrong, you can still move away, but please don't panic yet. Take a deep breath and realize that even though this might change your life and your perception of your mother, the world keeps turning and students may be much more worried about their grades and their families than about your mothers' honor.
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