A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really feel like I'm messing my current relationship up... or going to.I was cheated on in my previous relationship and it left me broken. I am a very passionate and loyal person so it caught me off guard. It's gotten to the point where if I hear a song about cheating or being cheated on, or even see a question right on this website about cheating, I become anxious and angry. Before that happened, I was very trusting. Not anymore. So, unfortunately, some things set me off and I get jealous easily. I broke up with my boyfriend for adding his ex on facebook. Of course I just couldn't stop loving him, so we are back together and I am lucky he took me back. I did it so cold turkey and it hurt him. I apologized for it and meant it from the bottom of my heart.Then we had a disagreement about him going on a dinner with a female friend. It was just the two of them, and the girl has a boyfriend, but it made me uncomfortable. For a couple of weeks afterwards I was not 100% and was anxious. Recently he made a joke about busty girls. This again sparked jealously. But this time I stopped myself and immediately apologized. He then commented on how he is not my previous boyfriend. Of course he's not! He is so much better. But now I'm realizing that my jealous may be hurting our relationship. Everything wrong stems from me. How can I get over this! It's not fair to my BF and everytime I do something stupid like get jealous over a joke I feel so embarrassed...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): The feelings of jealousy stems from some form of insecurity and the fact that you have been cheated upon in the past only intensifies it. The problem I see with most relationships is that people attempt to control their partners too much. They have an "idea" what their "significant other" should act, live, or be and God help them if they do not conform to our way of thinking, living, or being. We are literally enslaving them. We are suffocating them...because of our insecurities.We are all sovereign "free will" beings. This means no one "owns" us and we don't "own" them nor can we force anyone to love us. Some people don't realize this and that's why our courts are inundated with restraining orders.How you feel about yourself is the key to overcoming jealousy or being cheated upon. Because if you truly loved yourself (not in a narcissistic way) you will find that you don't need anyone to make you happy or complete. How often do we here people say, "If only I could find the right person then I will feel whole or happy again." I think it is the other way around.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): Well I think you may be feeling quite right about him. You might be feeling over sensitive and hurt but what about his role in all this. If your gorgeous new bf had been cheated on and was feeling raw would you be adding your ex in your fb and going out for dinner with another guy. No!
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