A
female
age
36-40,
*aetitia
writes:Dear agony ants,I've been sleeping with this guy for 2 weeks, mostly after hanging out with him on the weekend. Sex is really good. We have been texting and e-mailing (FB) each other almost every day. When we're out together, he takes me to dinners, pubs, coffee places and museums and pays for everything although we're just friends.He has made dinners and breakfasts for me. He often acts as as if we're dating. He has also invited me to meet and hang out with a friend of his who is visiting him from another city next weekend. I've been acting really cool about the whole thing, although I tried to sort of ask him indirectly what he considers himself to be to me - a bf or something else...He brushed off the subject by saying "seems like you're fishing for answers". I said "ok, fine" and changed the subject to usual fun stuff we talk about and do. I do not want to press the issue or scare him off, but I am not comfortable (after sleeping with him twice) and still not been declared as a gf. I feel like I am entering the typical booty call relationship and don't know what to do? Can I turn this guy into a bf without scaring him off or ruining our friendship or should I just move on? He is really cool and laid back and doesn't seem worried about anything. Gent's, I'd appreciate your opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I'm not a guy but i've been in a similar situation. Lets just say it didn't end well. We were just "friends" which looking back is ridiculous, friends don't have sex!
If you like him then you could try and give the dating thing a go but these things very rarely become
relationships so i wouldn't get your hopes up.
A
female
reader, laetitia +, writes (14 November 2010):
laetitia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Jmtmj, thanks for your input.
Here are some answers to your questions:
Have you been friends for long before you ended up sleeping together? - No. We hung out 1-2 times with mutual friends. On the 3rd time, we ended up making out. Then he invited me to a dinner, which he cooked for me and a mutual friend. That night was when I hooked up with him for a first time. There was alcohol involved.
Did he take you to dinner, out on little excursions, pay for everything and what-not before you slept together? - Not before we slept, but he is doing it now. This weekend we went to visit and explore a nearby cultural city and its museums, which was his idea. He had never been to that city and wanted to see it. I didn't mind going with him, although I had already been to that city. He took me to a fancy restaurant for dinner there as well. The rest of the weekend was spend at his place with him making breakfast for me. I suppose that was a "date" although he would refuse to admit it was.
Is he continuing to "wine and dine" you or is he doing less of these dating gestures lately?- For now he seems like he is. He has also said a few times "I should take you to XXXX" with "XXXX" being a famous tourist European city, where he is from.
Does he clearly enjoy your company? Does he have fun with you or is he constantly just trying to get you into a situation in which there's privacy and a double bed handy? - I just received a txt msg from him saying "had a very nice weekend, btw...xxx" He doesn't do the later, but I am sure that having sex with me is certainly on his mind most of the time.
I have already suggested to him that I am not comfortable with FWB relationships, but each time I try to enter these topics of conversation he ends up being quite and aloof. Therefore, I try to avoid any kind of relationship talk with him.
He has been in a 5-year relationship, which he broke off a year ago. We're both the same age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Try alluding to the idea that you're sleeping with someone else on the side and see how he reacts. Exclusivity is the difference between a booty call or FWB and an actual GF/BF relationship.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 I don't understand why some people feel they HAVE to put a label on relationships for it to be of any value. A television set in a shop that's lost its price tag is still worth exactly the same value. Though on the other hand, I can appreciate that you don't want to fall into the "friends with benefits" category, that can be a hard crevice to climb out of. So in that respect its good that you're questioning the relationship instead of charging in head first.
In your case though- a few questions... have you been friends for long before you ended up sleeping together? Did he take you to dinner, out on little excursions, pay for everything and what-not before you slept together? Is he continuing to "wine and dine" you or is he doing less of these dating gestures lately? Does he clearly enjoy your company? Does he have fun with you or is he constantly just trying to get you into a situation in which there's privacy and a double bed handy?
From what you've said, to me anyways, I don't think you have anything to worry about. All signs seem to point to him already dating you, but he might just be getting used to the idea of being official. Don't pressure him too much, its still early days, but don't be afraid to let him know that you're not looking for a FWB relationship.
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