A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 53 - my girlfriend is 55. She lost her son last year and is also bipolar. She likes to party but also has a spiritual side to her. When she is loving she loves in a big way. When she flips she is like a woman posessed. She has dumped me and taken me back about ten time in the five months that we have been together. (That is another problem I need to work on if I can get her to come back.)Now I am dumped again, her reason being that I am not a good person and God doesn't want her to be with me and she feels guilty after we make love. No specifics on why I am a bad person other than she thinks I ma scam artist (which is the farthest thing form the truth.)I did something stupid and tracked her down at one of her hangouts the night after she dumped me. She let me have it for stalking her.Then i did something else I shouldn't have and wrote her some emails. The first said I accepted the breakup and specified some of the negative things which she did during our relationship. This drew a negative email in response. The next two emails told her pretty much that I thought she is a hippocrite (spelling?) and the last told her that I never want to see her or hear from her again and that we are no longer friends.I have heard nothing back since that- it was only yesterday though. so....I have left it at that feeling that I have already blown it and not wanting to complicate things any further.I am planning on making no contact, knowing that even though she may not want me any more she probably still wants me to want her.Here are my specific questions.1) if she contacts me how should I respond? It is not unusual for her to get depressed and drink on the weekends and she may even drunk dial me in the wee hours.2) How long should I keep no contact if she does not attempt contact and what is my best move if it does not work?I really do think this is a special lady. I am OK with the bipolar - she has the biggest heart of anyone I know when she is going right.Thank you,Mr Spike
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reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (12 December 2008):
 My first thought here is if she is currently getting therapy and/or medicines for her condition. That is the most important thing for now.If you love her she needs loving support. If she won't accept it from you perhaps she will for a close friend or family member.
The loss of her son is very hard. This loss is causing fluctuations of the chemicals in her brain. This isn't her fault. She is severely depressed it seems and anything that can upset her at this moment can make her unstable. Drinking doesn't help. Alcohol is a depressent. If she is taking medicine, alcohol can increase or complicate the situation.
For now she won't let you be close to her. The guilt she is feeling is felt by alot of people who live together or have sexual relationships when they are not married. If you love her you can wait on that I am sure. You were looking her up somewhere you knew she would be so this makes her think you are stalking. Sometimes that in itself would be considered by law as Stalking. This could cause more stress and more fluctuation of the chemicals. Each time something triggers the condition it can worsen or further complicate her mood swings.
For now all you can do is be her friend. Allow her to call you if you wish. Try to not pressure her to call or come to you. Let her be the one to make all the moves for now. If she has family that might be able to intervein it is best for you at this point are PART Of THE PROBLEM. I know this sounds out of bounds but because she is having all the bad mood swings she can vent at you. You allow it so she feels comfortable doing so. However she doesn't always want you around. It doesn't mean she doesn't care but it does mean that she is in a very delicate state since the passing of her son and whatever you do she must not feel pressured by you.
If you choose to stay in the picture, it has to be on her own terms and without anymore stress put upon her already delicate mind. I pray that someone can reach her so she can get the help she needs. Talk to a Pastor if you can so you can get help in coping. I would suggest that you also talk to a counselor if you can. Mental health usually has some type of program to help in intervention. Each person's copeing mechanism is different. Some can deal with things easily and others not as well. Find some articles that you can read or a book perhaps on BI-Polar Disorder The more you learn about the condition will give you a better outlook and more knowldege to fight this condition. It will also help you cope better too.
Sometimes people who are Bi-Polar do get better. It is a confusing and scarey thing for the loved one or caregiver but imagine how the person with the disease is affected.Most of the time they don't understand the condition and sometimes they don't even realize they have a BI-POLAR conditions. They need lots of patience and love. They need understanding and forgiveness. So now you can choose and you must do so carefully. What choice you make now will alter the course of your life and hers from this day on.
Loving a person like this and standing by them can be very hard, a long haul sometimes. I know firsthand as I raised two boys with ADHD, my Mother had Altzheimers and so did my Step Dad I was their caregiver. I also am disabled and I am BI-POLAR. I want you to know that as long as we don't give up, we can Hope......and by the GRACE of GOD.......I made it thru! I pray that your lady friend will too.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Hi Spike
The best thing you can do is to ignore her completely. You may think she's special, but if she's bipolar you're going to get this up and down treatment ad infinitum.
Keep the 'No Contact' forever or she'll drag you down with her. Your final communication to her should be to tell her she needs professional help.
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