A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago. We had been dating for almost 5 years. At first, we didn't really talk much after the break up, and when we did it was usually just small talk. But recently we began talking again. About our relationship and what went wrong and what we could do to possibly repair what's been broken and start over. I would love if we could give ourselves another opportunity to be in a relationship. BUT. When we first began talking I told him that I felt we should be completely honest to each other, even though that because we aren't in a relationship and we don't necessarily owe each other the truth, because if we were to ever try again we would need to start fresh with a clean slate which would mean being honest with each other no matter what. Well, after we broke up, about a few months later I wound up having a couple of one night stands. Both of which happened to be with men who had girlfriends. I'm not proud of this. But I will say that I have learned from those experiences and grown from them as well. One of the reasons my boyfriend and I broke up was because we felt as though we needed to experience being single and trying things with other people. But I have a hard time telling him about my experiences because it turns out he hasn't done the same. Not to mention that I know he would be very upset to know that I participated in cheating...which I know he has an issue with because he was absolutely convinced I cheated on him while we were together which I can reassure did not happen. Overall question, should I tell him about these things or not? Is this relevant information to a new relationship with him? Please help!
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male
reader, CJH  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I think it would be a really bad idea to lie to him - especially as you know he already has trust issues from your previous relationship together.
You can probably minimise the impact by just saying you had a couple of one night stands and not giving him any further information. You see the risk is that you say nothing and then a friend or mutual friend does. That wouldnt look good would it?
Its a tough one really but he doesnt actually NEED to know. The whole thing revolves around the honesty issue and thats something that does NEED to be above board.
If he asks tell him, if he doesnt, dont. Just remember not to go into detail and pretty much say what youve said to us - you regret the experiences and youve grown from them.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): You only need to tell him if you want the new relationship to be based on honesty. Otherwise don't worry about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): It is hard to call it a cheating as you two were separated. The thing is not what you two did while separated but why you were separated. Did you have good reason to try single? You have to talk honestly and openly everything happened boh before and after separation. make sure the problems are solvable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Youve learned from your past and this is very good. This man has feelings for you and that seems to be clearly established therefore if you bring anything up from your past regarding past men, he will more than likely resent you or become very jealous and possibly develop trust issues as a result. If you guys were separated and you did those things, you dont need to tell him. It doesnt make logical sense in that way either as he wasnt a part of your life like he is now. Acknowledge your past, analyze it (which you have), and apply what youve learned to your new relationship with him so it can be fulfilling. Good luck.
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