A
female
age
30-35,
*edep
writes:Ok so, Am very confused about guys actions and where I think everythign is going to be in the future (and I mean this time next year not 5 years from now) And just trying to read guys and see what path I should walk down. In my life right now I have 2 ''main guys'' if you want to call them that. Ive been in a kind of friends with benefits relationship with this guy for about a year now, and its not all about being physical together, we are really great friends and are able to tell each other everythign and be freinds, we just are also attracted to each other. My other ''guy'' is somebody I have known since I was about 6, we have had a very rocky past as we have nearly been bf/gf about 4 times already, we used to live in the same country but he just very resently moved away, we constantly talk to each other on SKYPE and are chatting on facebook and SMS, its great, we get on so well and I knew before he left that we both liked each other and that something great could happen between us. I know that he has feelings for me now as we have sort of admitted to each other that we have, we just both know theres no point in us being an item as he now lives in Europe and I live in the UK. My question is this: Do I carry on with my feelings for the guy who has moved away, I know that something great could happen between us but I dont want a long distant relationship. I know that sounds so lazy but I mean we would only be able to see each other twice a year AND we werent dating before he moved away, AND what should I do with the guy who im FWB with, If is bad if im still ''messing'' around with him because Of the other guy, I have no real feelings for the guy im FWB with, Am I over complicating things, should I just leave things as they are as this way Im not really hurting anybody, the last thing I Want to do is hurt the guy who lives far away. Is this just me being very stupid and niave about guys? I want to know some guys points of views. if you were the guy who lived far away from me AND if you were the FWBs guy. Thanks xx
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female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (20 August 2013):
 Hello,I'm not a guy but I will share my opinions anyway. I'm shocked that you call it lazy for not wanting to be with someone in a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are not only painful and costly; they rarely work out. I would never want to be in a long distance relationship. I would give up on this one and move on. Especially where you guys already tried 4 times and it didn't work out. Usually that is a sign that you shouldn't be together. It's good to hear you don't have feelings for your friend with benefits as you really don't have a future with him anyways. Once you cross that line with a guy it is extremely rare they will want to be in a relationship with you. My advice would be to move on from both guys and find someone compatible with you. Especially with the friend with benefits. No-one wants to date someone when they are having sex with another person or is still talking to their Ex. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 August 2013):
 The FWB guy would not care about your long distance relationship, that's if he doesn't have feelings for you. The long distance guy would mind if he expected to be the only guy in your life. If you choose to omit the truth from him, or not care about it, then you are having a pseudo relationship, a fantasy one that doesn't really satisfy your needs. It could be hard to get both emotional connection and physical attraction in one guy, but I don't think having two guys to complete the puzzle is the answer, otherwise you won't be here asking this question. You want more than this arrangement.
Morally and technically it is not wrong to not tell the long distance guy about the FWB, because you never promised exclusivity and you were never official. Somehow it feels wrong when you know that it would hurt his feelings, or shatter his fantasy, even if it's a long distance relationship. You can't really say to him your sexual life is your private business and that he has no right to hear about it. Maybe you don't want to tell him because it could mean the end to this LDR? Friends share everything, and by withholding this information, it's like you are misrepresenting who you are. By continuing both ways, you are stopping yourself from finding a boyfriend, and you are stopping him from finding a girlfriend.
It is easy to say something great could happen, in the mind. Unless one of you move closer to each other, nothing will ever happen. Without opening up about your true self, and your true desires, you make it hard for anything to happen. That LDR guy has no reason to move closer to you because you both assume the status quo and comfort about the distance. If he hears about the FWB guy, he won't even consider a real relationship. You don't have feelings for the FWB guy so the path with him is only sexual. If you want a real relationship with the LDR you have to let go of the other one. The chances of you having a real boyfriend is to let go of both of them and start dating a local guy. It takes time and patience to get the most out of a man. You shouldn't use the fear of hurting anyone as a reason to be stuck between two guys.
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