A
male
age
51-59,
*eo225
writes:I am 45 year male married past 21 yearsMy wife had 2 affairs in recent times when i was away on tours One with my friend and other with some internet manShe said it was emotional thing which somehow eneded on bedShe say now everything closed and want to live with meWe trying it but i feel so hurt that cant sleep in night and in dream see her with other men.What to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Cheating twice means she can't be trusted, particularly if you had caught her the first time and she cheated again knowing how much she hurt you. How did you discover the affair(s)? I think you need to get out of the marriage now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Cheating twice means she can't be trusted, particularly if you had caught her the first time and she cheated again knowing how much she hurt you. How did you discoverer the affair(s)? I think you need to get out of the marriage now.
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A
male
reader, badbadboy +, writes (26 January 2011):
I know it is difficult but break the marriage... its easier to live away from her than staying with her and being suspicious 24x7... ultimately u need to live in peace no point in living life under too much pressure.... it even leads to the development of a paranoid type of psyche. No matter how much she promises u tht she would be faithful... u cant gain that confidence back... its like a broken mirror even if u patch them together, the image is still broken...
TC
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I don't know if i would call an affair two times a mistake... If you feel you can handle being with her, and can overcome the affairs she has put you through off then you should at least get counseling if you truly love her, and see a farther future with her. Do you think when you leave next time to a tour she would do the same. My advice is leave her, she's acting like she's single, so let her be single. Stand on your two feet and move on. Two affairs are enough to say the hell with you im out, you know. All in all is up to you. If you feel you can move on with out her, when most certainly you can then move on. Leave her and her two affairs out the window. If she did it two times what makes you think she wont do it a third. Anyways i looked up a in my book of dreams the infedelity dreams your having, that only means that your going to be emotionally stabled. Anyways best wishes to you and please for your own health and good throw that trash away and never pick it up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Dear OP, please change the locks on the door and gate. Get her arrested for trespassing if she does try to get into the family home. Basically kick her to the curb, as one Aunt said.It is only a matter of time before she cheats again. What happens next time you leave home? Another man in your bed again?You will never be able to trust her again. And you know it. Stop worrying about her. She is despicable.You are from India, so you have strong family units. It is not a disgrace to talk to your family about her affairs. Do not hold anything back. Tell them what she has been up to. Your people could also spy for you. You need to stop being a weak man and start being proactive. Make certain you leave her with barely nothing/anything. Do your homework and make certain when you get rid of her, she stays away. Right now your people will be laughing at you if you take this woman back. Why become a mockery to friends and family. She had her fun, now she must pay the price for her cheating.I hope you got rid of your friend, her other lover?? Please tell me you did. You need people you can trust. Your wife is now perceived as enemy no. 1 and let her stay this way. You will always be haunted by her cheating. You will not forget and you will never be able to move on with her.Get rid of the wife. First involve the elders (I am assuming this is what your culture does) then find a decent woman to share your life.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (26 January 2011):
Yeah...this isn't as if your wife put a dent in the fender and you can simply focus on getting the car repaired. What she has done is taken a flamethrower to your marriage. The woman is a true two-timer. Let her suffer the consequences. I'd kick her to the curb and start fresh. I'm sorry for your troubles. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): It all depends on why she want to live with you now.
One affair can be worked out, but two and one with your friend, does she not know where boundaries are? How long before she does it again?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Forget all the ideas of forgiveness, leave her and start up new somewhere else. She has betrayed you, how can you still trust her.
No trust = No love
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 January 2011):
 you either get over it or you destroy many other good memories of your marriage with your wife.
It was wrong that she did this. And you need to work hard at re-connecting with your wife. And re-kindling all the passion that existed between the two of you in earlier years.
Instead of the focus on the other guys (which will eat into your heart and destroy your love for your wife) instead concentrate on all the ways you can become a significant central part of ypur wife's life.
Sometimes in a marriage a partner becomes fixated with a hobby, like golf or sailing or football for men, or scrapbooking or quilting for women. It is often even more time consuming than an affair.
But an affair hurts more because of the intimacy.
This will be a test of your love and commitment to your love if you are willing to make a determined effort to put the affairs out of your mind, and regain her attention and love 100% of the time.
My sincere commiserations to you as you work through this very tough problem.
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