A
female
age
30-35,
*mandanash
writes:My ex was a huge jerk to me, lied, was inconsiderate and never really was into me inn the end. I got so mad about things. And I keep looking up ways to get revenge and what i read the most was to just keep on living my life and seem just ok. I'm planning a clubbing night with my friends, and posted it on facebook. Im sure he saw it, and at first, I felt good, cause im proving that I'm moving on. But now I feel kind of guilty and bad about it. Should I? I'm not the party type at all, but im doing this just to make myself feel good. Am I going about this all wrong?
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female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 The best way to get revenge is to act like you don't give a shit,to act like he doesnt mean anything to you anymore.
Even if you do still care you don't want him to know. I think your going about this the right way,once you've convinced him that you don't care you can work on convincing yourself that he is your past. However don't go out of your way to show him that your not bothered, that just comes off a bit obvious and you'll end up looking pathetic. Be suttle about it. What you wrote on facebook is good as long as you didnt put it in an exaggerated arrangement of words-because once again you don't want to make it obvious.
Good luck :).
Karen
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): Doing things to make yourself feel good is a really positive step. But I would like to ask you something: are you really doing these things for yourself? Or are you doing them in order to try and get back at him, or prove something to him?
From what you have said, I can't help but think you are trying to "get back at" your ex. You said you looked up ways to get revenge, and that is understandable. But as you found out, most advice is to carry on with your own life, and I agree with that. But it doesn't mean to act like you are okay to try and show your ex you are over him. It means to move on for yourself and really BE okay. Not act okay for anyone, but really be okay.
I know that is not easy, and it will take time. But in my opinion, if you are trying to prove to your ex that you are moving on, it actually shows that you are not moving on at all. You care about what he thinks. You want to prove a point to him. You want to show him you are moving on. But by doing those things, you are preventing yourself from moving on. You are keeping yourself focused on him. Does that make sense?
I think the best way to really get over him is to stop any kind of contact, including on Facebook. Could you delete him or block him? And then do things that make you feel good, but do them FOR YOU. Not for your friends, not to prove anything to anyone...but for you. I can understand you are angry with your ex. That is natural. And it is not easy at first. But I think that, with time, it will become easier. It doesn't happen right away. But keep trying to look ahead, put your ex out of your mind, and think of yourself now. You deserve that. Good luck. x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 July 2010):
No. You're doing the right thing. Revenge is a pointless thing really in a situation like this, as it would have just shown you up. So what if he saw it? Who cares? No one. Probably not even him. Get out there with your friends and have a great time. Stop worrying about your ex, who didn't care about you anyway. You're doing the right thing. Exactly the right thing.
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