A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Trying to get over a very recent break-up during the holidays...we were together about 9 mo, very close and believed we loved one another..we haven't been getting along on some things and we both agreed maybe we should go speak to a third party and sort out some differences, which she suggested and i was willing to do..We never made it there..We had a big arguement about about two weeks ago over some things that I found while staying at her house..the things weren't "bad", but they were some text messages to her friend saying how she's rather be out hanging with her buddies if she didn't have me trying to run her life. we are in a committed relationship and this took me totally by surprise..i felt like i totally didn't know her..i got very mad and said "it's done", "if we don't want the same things in life, it's done"..i'm ready to settle down, ect and this just shook my world..long story short, she watched me walk out..no apology , no merry christmas, no contact..although things may have been shakey, i was willing to work on stuff..the no contact really just hurt we b/c i was waiting for an apology..early on in the relationship, i remember having a convo about x's, ect and she said something to the tune of (not in a mean way) "everytime i break up with someone or vice versa, they all come back"..i'm thinking that i should be the one that doesn't come back and that will sit with her for a long time." I know it sounds like revenge, but i'm thinking that showing my pride, my decision and sticking too it might stay with her and always give her that little feeling of "why didn't he ever call"?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): well just to add a little more info to the story, about 3 weeks ago, we had a convo about our relationship..we both got a little upset..she started to seem like she didn't know what she wanted out of life anymore, says she felt like she was disappointing me by not living up to what i'm ready for and some other stuff..she requested that we go see a counselor b/c she wanted things to work out..also, she asked if i could maybe change some of my ways also..be a little more romantic, understanding, ect..i agreed b/c i love her..i asked her that maybe she could think about how here life was affecting me..going out a little too much with friends, not being around enough for me on weekends , ect..she also agreed (with tears) ..fast foward a week when i'm at her home trying to have a nice pre-holiday dinner and i see the texts to her friend..now i reacted with such anger b/c here i am catering to her needs, agreeing to work on things, showing i care and she is almost in a way downplaying it or talking about what she "would rather be doing" behind my back??? that isn't too cool in my book? watch me work harder, agree with her and than go say those things? very confusing
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): I know that some girls who never had a father while growing up let go of relationships real easily. These girls just aren't able to connect properly with guys I guess.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Well, she would respect you even less if you did go back. Try to figure out where you went wrong in this relationship (maybe partly her fault if she has low self esteem), and start anew with another girl.
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A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (26 December 2009):
 You know, sometimes it is easy to say we'll never contact an ex whom we love. But it is always easier said than done.
I understand your feelings. I am also in the same situation. I have proven I can't stick to my word so many times. My advise is, if you think that will teach her a lesson and that justifies your pain...stick to it no matter what. She will not learn her lesson if you walk out on her then give up by contacting her in the end. She will tell herself "i always knew he would come running back to me". You can do it!
Sometimes, people like her need to learn a lesson. That was what happened with me and my ex. He left me and i begged him for 3 days and he was just so hard on me. Then I sent him an email saying goodbye and letting him go finally. Months into that, I battled with myself not to contact him or find any excuse, even innocent harmless ones. Then suddenly he called me to say he was going to return one of my belongings. I saw him briefly to get this stuff and turned my back. And guess what? He came calling me right after he left and said how much he missed me and that he was just right there if I need anything. Oh, he was wrong when he thought I would always run after him. After that, he was always the one to call. To drop msgs.
For your own good whether you wish to get back with her or not, just leave her alone and live your life. I swear, the earlier you get used to this, the better.
You can do it!!
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A
female
reader, Sweetheart =) +, writes (26 December 2009):
 you got mad over something really stupid.. i mean its not like she was cheating or anything.. everytime my boyfriend gets mad he doesnt just say it's over and walks out.... and if you actually care about her you would call her and talk things through!! not hurt her like that :(
good luck
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A
female
reader, trueatheart  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Yes, definitely stick with your decision if you don't want to be taken for granted. Sounds like your ex-girlfriend has too much emotional baggage from previous relationships. I'd say she needs to be on her own for a while until she knows what she wants. And you need to be strong while the time passes. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (26 December 2009):
 My heart goes out to you! Getting over relationships is hard enough, but around the holidays it is intensified by expectations of others for you to be full of joy!
Give it some time...if you still feel as though you think things could be worked out, by all means go for it!
Revenge will not change things! It'll just spread you further apart and ruin any chances of patching things up!
If you ask yourself in regards to the last fight..."will this mean anything five years from now?" what answer do you give yourself? Sometimes our fights are so minor but cause so much conflict that we let things fly out of control!
I wish you luck no matter what the outcome!
XXBrooklyngirlXX
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