A
female
age
30-35,
*issjones
writes:Hello my name is Christina, i am in so a depressing place. I am 20 yrs old and i want to have a baby. I recently got married 11/16/08 and since then been trying to conceive, but cant. Its really depressing and i feel like im in a dark blocked room.Just wanna know if some one could give me some advice on what i should do....Thanks
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male
reader, Sandman +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Okay - STOP beating yourself up! That's the first thing you need to do. Stop it.
Just because your husband has a little girl does not automatically exempt him from being the problem. Since his daughter's birth there are many things that could have happened that could have caused minor sterility in him - including but not limited to smoking, excessive radiation exposure, inhalation of chemicals known to cause sterility (on the job or at home), exposure to heavy metals (on the job or at home), wearing tight fitting clothing, excessive bicycling, and testicular injury (via sports or otherwise).
Also, every woman is different in terms of her fertility. Plus, the woman's body is naturally designed to kill sperm the moment they are ejaculated into her body. So just because he has a little girl doesn't mean he is more fertile than you - it could mean that SHE (daughter's mother) has a lowered defense mechanism to men's sperm which allowed his (possibly) weak sperm to impregnate her. Your body may be better at killing off the sperm - causing his (again, probably) weak sperm to die before ever reaching the egg.
This is all speculation. In know way am I attempting to diagnose your problem - only attempting to provide you with potential reasons to the problem. This isn't to say that the problem does NOT lie with you, but until you see a fertility specialist, you don't know that for sure. So until then, as far as you can tell - there IS NO problem. You are just having a very difficult time conceiving. There are men and women who have no structural abnormalities and are by all standards "fertile" but have a difficult time conceiving.
STRESS, has been known to decrease the susceptibility of a woman becoming pregnant. SO, stressing about the situation is not helping you right now. I know it's easier said than done, but you've got to relax. You need to remove conception as the goal and replace it with pure pleasure for both you and your husband. Focus on the here and now (when in bed) and just make love. Stress is a hostile emotion to a problem - creating a hostile physical manifestation. Which is why people complain of lack of sleep, lack of pleasure seeking activities (sex included), headaches, backaches, or any other physical manifestation of an emotional response. So if stress can cause all that, what do you think it can do to your body when trying to conceive? Hostile environment in your body is not the ideal environment for conception. Relax.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, missjones +, writes (15 August 2009):
missjones is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so i've talked to an obgyn and cant find no problem looked on the web and they are given me answers i already know.
I really don't understant ya know i feel just so STUPID.. And i know it gotta be me because my husband has a little girl.....
I just dont know what to do for here ya know once again i am in my dark closet....
I can t even make love to my husband because its like whats the point, i know it should be about express your emotions and how much you love each other but....... i dont know really i dont
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (13 August 2009):
Hello Christina.
Most fertility specialists will tell you need to be trying for at least one full calendar year before going to a specialist for a "problem". So at this point, clinically, there isn't a "problem" yet.
Ensure that you and your husband are engaging in intercourse during your time you are ovulating. The find out the approximate dates of your ovulation period, try visiting conducting an internet search on the subject or speak to your OB/GYN to get details on how to find out this information.
Other people swear by non-pharmacological interventions to aid in pregnancy such as smoking cessation, decreased alcohol intake, a balanced, healthy diet, and of course - sex!
Finally, don't forget that stress can cause issues with conception - especially if there are underlying issues that haven't been discovered. While you are trying to reach a goal of getting pregnant, try to remember that sex with your husband should be fun and enjoyable - not just an mean to an end. Actively keeping stress down and sex lively can help in conceiving your child.
Again, there are many discussions around what causes conceptions issues and how to fix it. You don't have a problem until you have been trying for a year. Until then, try some of the suggestions above and see your OB/GYN for further questions.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): You can google "trying to conceive" and obtain absolutely tons of advice over the internet. You haven't been trying so long that it is a problem yet, but you may want to consider going to your doctor for a check up.
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