A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of about a year and 3 months has recently been, well, pressuring me into buying her a vibrator so we can experiment. I thought i was good in bed, I always make sure she's fully satisfied and am always open for experimentation.So i finally gave in and got her a good vibrator that only about 6 inches so i didn't feel so bad about her using it. I used it on her 3 times when it arrived and it's now been three weeks and we have not had sex for about 1 1/2 weeks and i have not 'finished' for about 2 1/2 weeks.Now the vibrator's on the scene i find it boring to use (often looking for things on the side board to amuse myself) as my needs have not been met since the vibrator arrived. I feel left out and bored of sex because i know she's using the vibrator so i have resorted to masturbating, which i gave up because she didn't feel comfortable with me doing it. I feel guilty for doing it but i feel so unsatisfied. I thought it would be fun to experiment as a couple, but i had no idea it would be used so much without me.Can anyone please give me any tips to try and resolve the situation?Please anyone, help!!xxx
View related questions:
vibrator Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): If she squirts then she isn't faking. You can be sure of that. Even if she just gets very wet during orgasm then you can bet that she isn't faking.
Masturbating every day isn't a problem in my mind. When I was younger, I would have liked to have sex 3 times a day, but my girlfriend and then wife was happy with once most days, so I would masturbate to supplement the sex. I see no problem in that. I also see no problem in her masturbating with the vibrator, but both of you have to try to satisfy the other.
The only thing that I can really advise is to talk to her and let her know what the problem is. Make sure that you are direct and explain much as you have done here. If she cannot understand the problem then I don't see her changing anything, as it seems like she is happy with the arrangement.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would try that except i have also said in another q that she doesn't do that sort of thing.. hand or blow jobs are out of the question as she refuses to do them.
69 is out the window
and i also owned a male sex toy.. the result was not pretty and i have vowed not to use them since because i had to go to the doctors last time :( Just because i know i might have a made a few people interested in what happened..
..Friction Burn which made it impossible to masturbate or even urinate for about 2 weeks. This was before the relationship in question though.
I think the best thing i can do is just talk to her :)
I have been buying her the Twilight books to take her mind off it, but i think that's made it worse because she LOVES Edward Cullen! So i'm not sure if it's good or bad, but at least she's reading :)
Thank You Anonymous
xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank's for your answers.
To the first and kinda the second, no i haven't found a right time to talk about this yet, i'm kinda shy when it comes to sex anyway so i usually just put up with it.
To the first answer, i don't think that women can fake when they have a squirty orgasm? If they can, then she probably is faking, but from the times i'm below deck and it happens, i can assure you it's not pee..
I always make sure and comment on sex and make sure it's very enjoyable for her. It just seems a bit one sided and i'm tired of always doing the footwork for her with nothing beyond sex in return (which i'm not moaning about btw).
It's not that i have a problem with masturbation, it can be enjoyable, I just don't because i used too quite a lot (once or twice a day). She just saw that as a threat. I have clearly said to her that i see the vibrator as a threat, she just isn't very good at noticing when i'm having trouble with something that bothers me.
Although i try to discuss, she can't see the problem with it and the effect it has had on my ego. I'm not small by any means, i just feel like she'll go off me at the rate it's going..
Thank you for the responses
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): So she doesn't want or allow you to masturbate, but she sees no problem doing it herself and often? Why do you feel bad about masturbating yourself? You have no reason to feel bad about doing it. It is a natural thing to do for both men and women. If she tells you not to then just tell her to stop it herself.
Now to the real problem. I don't know why she would prefer vibrator sex to sex with you. Perhaps she has better orgasms with the vibrator. I use a vibrator on my wife sometimes. She does have better orgasms with oral sex if I also use a vibrator, so we do that perhaps 1 out of 5 times. She can do with or without it. How good do your girlfriend's orgasms seem to be when you have sex with her? Do you give her oral orgasms? The women who I have been with, including my wife, have their best orgasms that way. Give them a couple of oral orgasms before intercourse and they are happy for the session. Of course, another one with intercourse doesn't hurt, but a lot of women have a very hard time having an orgasm with intercourse.
You really need to ask her what the problem is and discuss it openly. Do you think that she has faked orgasms and now can have them with the vibrator? I suppose that is possible, but I don't think that many women do that.
I can understand why you would find the vibrator boring to use if you get nothing out of a sex session. However, if it is just foreplay then sometimes we have to put up with what we don't particularly like to make our partner happy. Each partner does what they can to make sex good for the other. Sex and all parts of a relationship are a give and take. Being one sided is not good for a relationship. If she just wants you to do nothing but use a vibrator on her and then gives you nothing then that is selfish. If she has trouble having an orgasm and wants the vibrator then you owe it to her to try to make her sex enjoyable. If either person only thinks of themselves then that is selfish.
I know that you think that you fully satisfy her, but if you don't ask and the 2 of you don't talk about it then you will never know for sure. Talk to her about it and see what her problem is and then work to fix it. It will make sex better for both of you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): hey bebe,
Coming from a girl who was in the same situation I hope I can shine some light on this matter for you :) I was given a vibrator as well and when I first received it i was a little embarassed and shy, then when he went home i tried it alone and fell in love with it. B.O.B. (battery opperated boyfriend)can be troublesome. You should really sit down and talk to her and have her pleasure you at the same time you pleasure her with or without it. (sixty-nine position possibly!?) Or you can try to get yourself a female part look alike from a sex shop and use that and then you will feel satisfied and then she will want you more often. that or my first suggestion. talk to her. let her know how you feel. xx00
...............................
|
