A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my girlfriend for about a month now. We had been close before, but it was never 'official'. I love her alot, I put her infront of myself every time I can. The only problem is, im finding it hard to trust her. Its not so much her I don't trust, its her friends. She has alot of friends that are boys. I am very paranoid and I suppose jealous every time she is out with them, ive spoken to her about it before. But at the end of the day I cant tell her to stop seeing them, as I wouldn't do that, I would be out of order. I just want to be able to trust her when she goes out, I suppose its partly my fault as well. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Try and trust them.Added tip: I use girl's male friends as a new way of networking, so I can make more acquaintances/friends etc.Some, but not all, will have partners anyway. Look at it logically first, before stressing out.
A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (16 April 2009):
 "I suppose its partly my fault as well."What exactly has she done wrong here? Has she ever given you a reason not to trust her? If not then it isn't her fault at all.She can't help that she has friends that are boys. Have you got friends that are girls? Surely you must have some.The lack of trust stems from your insecurities and self esteem issues rather her doing something wrong. You need to do stuff that'll help you be more secure with your relationship. I think that joining her on outings with her friends is a good idea. Ask if you can tag along and meet her friends properly. Get to know them better so you can count them as your friends too. That way you'll see that they're nice people that probably have girlfriends of their own.Are you insecure in other areas of your life? It might sound scary but if it is a big self-esteem problem you have, you might want to consider speaking to a counsellor. Just something to ponder over.At the end of it all, you're going to have to be the one to change here. She isn't doing anything wrong and if you want the relationship to work you'll have to develop that trust otherwise you both won't stand a chance.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (16 April 2009):
 well if you don't trust her then why are you with her?
you should trust her otherwise there will be no relationship.
why not hang out sometime with her and her mates?
see what they're like maybe if you get to know them you'll realise you've got nothing to worry about.
i mean if you trust her then you wouldn't be so paranoid about her going out with them
but you don't trust her you think she'll fall for the others.
but you need to learn to trust her and that she's with you and wouldn't do that but if you keep pushing her in the end something like that could happen because of your lack of trust.
Hope this helps.
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