A
male
age
30-35,
*rueLies89
writes:Okay, well where to begin? There are so many different factors but they all lead to one thing, I have an incredibly hard time trusting my girlfriend. We have been dating for about 6 months now, and have known each other since September. Unfortunately, I was just coming out of a horrible two year relationship that I spent with someone who continuously lied to me over a long distance relationship. I met my girlfriend now about 4 months later, and I told her I didn't want to just be coming off the rebound with her if I was to get into a relationship. I met her because she lives right next door to me in my apartment. We started out as close friends that clicked right away, and I wanted nothing more than that... later on, it sort of lead to us just being FWB until we both told each other how we felt. Since we started together, it had never been easy. We both have trust issues with people,and she always seemed distant from me and ever since emotions got in the way would turn on a dime from hot to cold if I said one wrong thing. But that has all slowly eased out, she's still on edge every now and then, but its been 6 months since. Another issue is that she sort of has another love interest. My girlfriend happens to be bi-sexual (oh joy), which for some reason doesnt bother me unless she is lying to me. She has a great friend of hers who she has always had strong feelings for that she was never with, and because she is with me she cannot be with her. She sometimes lies to this person when she calls her over the phone because everytime (from what she's told me) that she mentions me the other person gets angry and drops the subject (she does know of me), but I get irritated because my girlfriend has yet to tell her that we love each other and that we are together. I don't want to make her drop her friend who she's been through so much with... but seriously?On top of that I smoke a lot of weed and she does too. Unfortunately I have noticed I tend to get paranoid a lot about her fidelity. A lot of her guy friends tend to make sexual remarks to her over text messages and sometimes are even ex boyfriends. This doesn't help at all. Sometimes when we talk I feel like she is staging things. Majority of all our fights revolve around me questioning her about cheating. We have continuously broken up and got back together, always at her choice (for space). I have slowed down on smoking pot, but she refuses to do so. I do not compare her to my ex but I always feel like she's lying to me. I get so freaked out at times I am tempted to check on her, and find myself sorting through her words as if there's always some sort of cryptic meaning behind all of it. Sometimes I wonder if I had been wrong all this time and now, after all that questioning, she is cheating now to prove a point or something ridiculous like that. It does not help that she lives right next door either in this apartment building, I am constantly wondering if every door shut is her letting someone into her room.I have never caught her lying to me before or cheating on me before, but I get so confused sometimes and I always end up in suspicion, and fear of my love for her as some sort of reward to a morbid game for satisfaction and control. I only feel this because sometimes I wonder if there is another side to her that I don't know, it feels like she puts on a different face sometimes. I really care for her and love her, I honestly do, and because there is so much going on that I cannot even type I am wondering if I am the one who needs to fix myself or if I have reason to be worried.~T
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male
reader, frayededges  +, writes (15 April 2009):
Life sure can get complicated...
OK. First off - YOU have a problem. If the weed is making you paranoid, switch on to milder stuff, cut down, cut it out, find some other way to chill out. Regardless of your girlfriend's real or imagined behaviour if the weed is colouring the way you see the world it's messing with your head in ways you just don't need.
Second off - forget the cryptic double meaning crap, looking for double meanings and hidden agendas is a symptom of your paranoia. This will only mess your head up even more.
Third off - if you love her and think the relationship is worth making an effort for, cut her some slack. In ANY relationship a partner MAY be cheating - it doesn't mean they ARE. It sounds like you've made positive progress with her over the last six months, she's not so mood-swingy for a start.
On a "hmmmmm" note, your girlfriend's refusal to tell her friend that you are together gives a little cause for concern. But drop the weed, drop the constant questioning, cut her some slack and see how it goes.
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