A
female
age
30-35,
*cared2Death
writes:I'll try to keep this as short as I possibly can, because I need advice ASAP..My boyfriend and I broke up about five days ago. Before that, we were on a three day break. And I'll save you the trouble.. It was all my fault, and I'm truly, truly sorry. We were together for four months, and all of those four months, I would frequently lie to him through text, things that would make him jealous. Despite that, we were a very happy couple, never ever fought when we were together. But we texted 24/7. Saw each other 1-2 times a week. We had a break for about three days before we broke up because the jealousy was getting too much for him, and he called it.. And then he decided he wanted to end it and just be friends because of his jealousy... But he didn't do anything until I agreed, and I refused. I felt so, so bad.. I thought it would help if I just came clean. In pure depression, I listened to my cousin and I broke up with him, but we'd be friends. The next day, I told him the truth.. And of course he wasn't happy. But I was hoping he'd forgive me. He didn't. We talked it out in person, I thought I was breaking through, because I got him to kiss me twice, even though he refused. And then we went back to his place and I made mistakes.. But we were still not together, no matter what I did. :( But we continued to talk for these five days we've been apart. I'll admit, I've been acting very needy. :/ But he's apparently already over me, and it hurts so much. He drinks and does drugs to cope. Even went to a girl's house to do this.. Just four days later... Even though he assured me they didn't do anything but get high and sleep.. So we've been talking. Today, a few hours ago, we discussed my clingy issues. And I attempted to back off, feeling strong. I laid off. Saw him today also, for a second, to pick something up. And then hours later, he was having a bad day at work (which he texts me during) and texted me seeking comfort, I guessed, and I continued to comfort him, with that girlfriend mentality mixed in with friendly jokes. Things swerved back into the trust thing, and now he won't reply.. I've sent three texts discussing friendship and forgiveness again, and it's been nearly 45 minutes since he's last replied, and it's usually instant to 10-20 minutes. I don't know what to do. I want him back, I know I do.. But he doesn't trust me and I don't know how to fix that.. If someone could tell me how, that'd be great.. What should I do? No contact? I'm afraid he'll just get over me easier... He seems to want to keep me around, and he considers my feelings sometimes still. I know a lot of you will say to just leave him alone. But I don't know. He's kind of vulnerable.. Can I do this? Or is it absolutely hopeless? Friendship and a relationship?Right now, he probably isn't replying because he's on acid.. He told me he would, cause he's had a bad day. I honestly don't mind his drinking or drugs. But I don't know if he's just ignoring me entirely now. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): I know you probably don't want to hear this but, in my opinion you both are way too immature to be in a healthy relationship at this time. You both are playing cat and mouse with each other and it's getting you nowhere. I think it's time for you to back off and let things chill for awhile. You need to work on your insecurities and he needs to work on his addictions. Why would you want to be with someone who drinks and does drugs? The only time he has contacted you since the breakup is when he is having issues in his life. When he contacts you your thinking it's because he misses you and wants to be with you. Your his comfort zone when things are not going his way. I know you care for the guy and I'm sure he cares about you in his own way but, I don't think he cares about you the way you want him to. I think that you should start concentrating on other things in your life...you have a whole life ahead of you so why waste it pining for a guy who obviously doesn't feel quite the same way as you, right now. Being in his face all the time for fear that he will forget you will only drive him further away. Work on your self-esteem issues- right from the get go you felt the need to play games with him to get him to show you he cared about you and it backfired in you face. He inturn deals with his problems by taking drugs. Move on from this situation now, before you get hurt even more and believe me when I tell you-this will not end well. You have plenty of time in your life to find a guy who really loves and respects you- someone who you can trust and feel secure with- someone whom you won't feel the need to play games with to make him show you how much he cares. Take care!
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (11 August 2011):
a relationship cannot work without trust you have made him lose that trust for you because of your lies and clinginess i know how much it hurts when you want someone back so now you have got to show him that you trust him and that he can trust you text him very casual texts ask him how he is how his days been etc do not reply to his texts straight away wait 5 or 10 mins so he can see you are not waiting by the phone for him to text you back dont question him when he says he has been somewhere just show him that you have changed good luck
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A
female
reader, Scared2Death +, writes (11 August 2011):
Scared2Death is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, it's me, just adding...
Yeah, what just now happened was he texted me back about how much he felt he’s failed his life, and I told him about how I was thinking about cutting contact with him, cause it might help, but I didn’t really want to cause he seemed down and I wanted to help. But he said he doesn't think I can.. And I asked him if he wanted to cut contact, he said if I wanted, I pressed further, and he said “For sure” and then “Yep” finally. So we said our goodbyes.
And then I posted on Facebook, and he commented a few times, nothing big, just a few statements I didn’t understand, and then he stopped. He might’ve blocked my posts after that, but I don’t know. He didn’t delete me though.. What’s going on?
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