A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend got caught sending sweet messages to about three different women. They all seem to not know I am in the picture because they seem to be in love with him. If I haven't stumbled on his email I will not feel indifferent about this guy because he is so good to me. Now that I know I am not the only one, I am mad. He tells me I am the one he wants to marry and those other girls he met before we met and ecame serious. I ask why he did not cut it off. He tells me he is in the process of cutting things off. He said he is not a mean guy and these girls done nothing to him bad so he choose to slowly cut them off in an unhurtful way.I agreed to stay in the relationship but I have become very angry and insecured lately. Now I wonder what he is doing behind my back. Few days ago he sends a funny sex joke message to six of his friends and out fo those 6, 2 were those girls he is talking to. I was furious. If he really wants to gain my trust back or help me with the insecurities why didnt he cc' those girls and not let me see that he is still cool with them. I picked up the phone and blasted gim. He kept apologizing that it was a simple joke. I rought up things fromt he past like when we were at a club and some drunk girl was trying to talk to him and it took him 15 mins to get rid of her.Well now he have not called me back or returned my call in two days. Now I have become the victim. What should I do? If this is the way we are gonna break up, I will regret my actions and will be calling him to take me back. I feel like its all my fault for reading his emails. If I didnt we will still be the happiest couple ever. If this guy is so good to me, should I just take it easy and believe him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you both. I have communicated to him what I want him to do with these girls which is what male reader says. Its to cut off all contact with these girls. Its ok to have friends but if those girls are dealing with you on another level more than friendship, out of respect for the relationship he needs to cut them off. Although I want them off completely, I can tolerate if he just ignores messages or dont try to contact them. That wasy they atleast get the message and will eventually leave.
Many have told me you cant make a man do what he doesn't want to do and when i try to control him that is when he will really keep doing it. My friends told me to just chill out, relax and if he is not getting this reaction from him, he will change. They tell me we are not married and he practically caan do whatever. You have to let this behavior leave his system on his own yada ya da ya.
I dont want to be in competition with these girls. I dont want to lose him either. If he really loves me why cant he just help save this relationship by cutting ties with the enemies?
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry that you're feeling sad & insecure. I've been there so I know..
I don't know how long you've been dating your boyfriend, but you seem happy with him & you said he's the best boyfriend..
So far there's no need to panic, he said those girls he knew before he met you & its not he's fault that those girls like him & flirts with him, right?
My advice to you is, have a nice, honest, serious talk to him. Explain how this makes you feel, ask him exactly what he wants & what he's planning to do..
So far I believe he's telling you the truth..make sense girls always flirts with guys.
Don't make any decisions, just talk to him & see how things goes..
Hope you feel better!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): Hey!Trust is a HUGE ingredient to a successful relationship. Sounds to me like he's playing an emotional game with you and this to me signifies immaturity and ill caution you. Yeah, he may be good to you and treat you like a lady, which is excellent, but he also must carry more than that to even be considered a marriage candidate for you I feel. If your trust is broken, you need a gameplan to rebuild. Thats a must or the cycle will repeat and he'll keep doing what he's doing cause he knows you wont get rid of him. He needs to absolutely cut off all contact with those women simply because of the risk of emotional cheating, thats it. He may not have anything against them and them nothing against him, but out of respect for the relationship thats what he should do, especially if he was serious about you. Him cutting off those friendships respectfully would show you he is indeed just wanting you and would help rebuild. Hope this helps.
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