A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i'm currently 19 years old and have been with my partner for just over a year and she's also 19.Today, we were (for some reason) discussing old partners and laughing about it until it got a bit more serious and the discussion of our past came up.I already knew that she had slept with 4 people previous to me, but for some reason she let slip that she had slept with 5, this was new to me so I began to persue who it was (I know I might of been in the wrong but my curiosity got the better of me).It turns out that the 'guy' was just some one she slept with for the hell of it and I also know of him, not personally. who apparently tried to console her after she broke up from a previous relationship and she ended up sleeping with him just for the hell of it.This made me feel pretty hurt in a number of ways, I felt like she had lied to me by not telling me and also hurt me pretty bad that she had just slept with some guy and had a one off with him, this is not what I thought about her.I know it was in the past but I feel so hurt, confused and betrayed.I just need some advice on what to do, I know people will probably tell me i'm too young, but pleasr rest assured i'm more than mature enough to handle a serious relationship :)Thank you for any replies and god bless.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 March 2011):
There's a lesson to be learned here. Sexual past is something you never discuss with you current partner. Because there always something that bothers your partner or yourself. Some people (very few) can actually discuss it without any problem. Some people tend to think they can discuss it but end up finding out they can't. They always stumble upon something they can't deal with. This is what happened to you. Everything was ok with the other guys. But you are disgusted by what she did with this one in particular. Because it was a one-night-stand. And you thought your girlfriend was a girl who had sex with someone she cared about only. And she's not.I can understand you as long as you have had sex with girls inside a relationship. I mean, if you have never had a one-night-stand I can completely understand you being bored. But if you have ever had one, you are having double standards here.Once again, and I think I will never be tired of telling this. Sexual past is not to be discussed with your partner. Because most people don't like imaging their girlfriend/boyfriend having sex with someone else.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): female anon, he's "looking for drama" because his GF lied to him and sexual history lies carry risks. The fact that this particular incident turned out not to be a big deal is beside the point. The point is, she told him what she wanted to be true about herself instead of what is true. That's a big warning sign about her honesty.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Hey.
I think if it's in the past that's where it should stay. You dragged it up even though it could have been worse. She told you about it. Ever thought she may regret it? She's ashamed? She didn't want you to know for a reason.
I think you should drop it and leave it where it is. And forget about it. It's nothing to fret over by the sounds of it. She is with you and that's all that matters
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): Hey pal!
Yeah she omitted the 5th guy so Id say your feelings of anger are validated. Im glad she came clean. You just need reassurance that the guy means nothing to her and that he is not in her life whatsoever. This will help you focus on the big picture of just you and her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): You are being such a drama queen...I dont think she delibrately lied to you....Perharps cos it was a one off it wasnt something that really comes to mind much or something she would rather forget and has pushed to the back of her mind, she doesnt see this a a relationship as opposed to the other guys you know about...What with you chasing the information to find out who the guy is??...Insecurity?? Really dude, aint you got better things to do??....So she made a mistake in her past and it is obvious from what you say that this guy took advantage of her when she was vulnerable.....People make mistakes..Why are you now stressing and pulling out your hair..no one is perfect and like you said it was a one off...She hasnt proved that she makes a habit of this kind of behaviour..stop looking for drama where there is none...Why by the way, why are you hurt and betrayed???..Where you her boyfriend then??....You heard the whole thing from her, albeit later and this guy does not count as a relationship to her, he is more of a fling and doesnt particularly mean anything to her but a mistake which I am sure she has learnt a lesson from
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): Brace yourself for some attacks. Your (completely normal and healthy) feelings are not socially acceptable these days.She lied to you. It wasn't a major lie but it was a lie in a VERY critical subject. You were led to believe she was more choosy about her sexual partners than she really is. Not surprising that it hurts. You had a more chaste image of her in your head and now that is thrown out. Now you have to adjust to the truth, a bit less chaste girl that is also capable of lying to you about her actions. Your feelings don't help you or her today. But they helped your male ancestors pass on their genes more effectively so now you are stuck with them. All you can do is try to accept things how they are, there is no "fixing" the hurt feelings. In the future, watch out for the LYING. It's so much easier to deal with a woman's past when you don't catch her lying about it and you aren't forced to try to readjust to a wilder story than you originally got from her. You're better off hearing nothing at all than hearing lies.
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