A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i fell in love with a guy over ten years ago. we were madly inlove, but i had to move to another country. we stayed in touch, and i visited regularly. but over the years i started to want more, and found someone whom i thought made me happy. through all this time i never stopped loving the ex, and he felt the same way. the night before i got married he begged me not to go through with it,told me he'd marry me and make me the happiest person in the world. but i did go through with it, as i felt to many people would get hurt if i just didnt arrive. he was devistated.( the ex). he cut me off for months and refused to have any contact with me. i fell pregnant to my husband and we had a child. slowly i started to realise that i made the wrong choice. i do love my husband but not the same way as i love my ex. no matter how much my ex lashes out, i still keep in contact with him cause ive always felt that he still loves me. when i go visit i can see it in his eyes, and he has on more than one occasion admitted how much it hurts him that i didnt choose him. but that he still loves me and will always be there for me. looking back now, i see what a wonderful life i could have lead. i call my ex at least twice a month, and at times he sends me scriptic messaging saying if only, or i miss you. but when i try talk to my ex about his feelings he immediatly shuts down and tells me im dreaming up what i want to feel. or lashes out at me and tells me i live over seas that i didnt put him first, and that i must get on with my life.that he wants to find someone who loves him and puts him first and chooses him. i recently spoke to him and he told me that he finds it so hard trying to find someone else to laugh with share his dreams, and just enjoy being together.that he wishes things were different. i told him again how i feel. opened my heart up , and told him that id love to spend my life with him. but the following day he either ignores my calls or just sends me a hurtful message, or just no message at all.i know most people wont understand this but id rather be unhappy in a marrage where my son has stability and a father he can see, ive told my ex, that if he is willing to move hear, ill go back to him in a flash.that id do whatever it took for us to be together, but i need the commitment of him moving hear for me. but due to me having a child i need to consider my childs feelings as he is still really young. he thinks im sitting on the fence. and keeps saying get divorced and then ill come running. but then when i try talking to him a day later, he tells methe same things again, how i never put him first and that i must get on with my life etc. its almost like he wants to hurt me like i once did to him. he says things like u made your choice, it wasnt me, you have a family. i want someone who will choose me first etc.someone ill love forever.im so confused, as to whether or not he truly loves me or is just playing games with me. i feel like he opens up to me, then in the morning feels the hurt all over again and the loss he injured , and completely shuts down. even one of his friends said to me once "so u are the girl "john" always goes on about. now i understand looking at pictures of you what the fuss it all about. im not sure if they all in on this game, or if there is something there.help, im so confused, so hurt and completely petrified im going to loose this boy ive loved forever. im sorry for the hurt i caused him, but i cant change whats happen, i can only believe that true loves wins out. i feel it in my heart, but now im just not sure.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 July 2010):
This isn't true love. This is a fantasy. It didn't work then, it won't work now. You're so obviously being played by this guy. And how predictable that you should fall for it. You say you made the wrong choice? When has your husband let you down in the same way as this other, very selfish man who is willing to ruin a child's life to get into your pants. True love isn't this man. If you have any respect for the vows you took, for the husband you have and for the child you brought into this world, you will cut this pathetic excuse for a man out of your life. Now. If you don't, one day it will come out. And then you will be in trouble, because your husband will realize he's been lied to a played by you, and worse your child will blame itself for your unhappiness. This isn't true love. This is a fantasy. If you love your child that much, if you love your husband, you will cut contact with this other man who offers you nothing. For God's sake you're being played so he can get into your pants and screw your family and marriage up. Mark my words, you don't cut him out, and you'll wind up with nothing.
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