A
male
age
41-50,
*asong
writes:Im 32 and up until I was 26 I had never had a serious relationship. As I am quite a shy person and really didnt want to get hurt. I have had self asteem issues and never really thought that any girl would notice me. When I was 26 this changed, when I discovered that a girl I had met was infatuated with me and I didn't even notice. I was reluctant to get involved as I didnt want to get hurt and she seemed a lot more experienced than me. After we started going out things were great but I didnt spend all my time with her and I released that that was what she wanted. We fell in love. And soon she was my whole life and all I ever wanted, I didnt spend time with anyone else just her. Then after a few months things started going to wrong she said I didnt listen was and didnt think of her feelings enough. But I loved her to bits and I still do. By the time we got to the 2 year mark we had a big falling out because I didnt talk to her or communicate with her enough. But we got back together as friends/companions even though our families and everyone else believed we were together. I was 100% loyal even though we were not intimate and I think she was too. We then bought a house together to do up, which took a long time and after 5 years of a relationship we finished the house together and I moved into it and called it home were as she stayed at home but still came and went like it was a second home. After I few months she started staying at the house less and less staying at home with her parents and I started to feel lonely and isolated. I told her and she said that I should find a girl. Thing is I love her to bits 100%. Then I noticed she started texting someone else a lot then a while later she said that was should tell everyone that we are only friends. I love her so much that I agreed and I told my parents. Saying that I hope she would change her mind. There is someone else even though it hasnt really happened yet, mostly because of me and the fact that her parents will not be happy about it. She hasnt told them because it will cause problems because we all get on really well. They still think we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Im heartbroken. She is my life and its all falling apart. We dont fight, we have never been unfaithful but we dont communicate enough. She doesnt seem to want me and is not happy and neither am I. I love here enough to know that she deserves to be happy. Maybe im being over romantic but I believe that true love never dies and thats how I feel about her. Please help
View related questions:
fell in love, got back together, heartbroken, moved in, notice me, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (13 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, those last 2 posts have been a great help. I do love her. But Im being positive. I aint moping about anymore feeling sorry for myself. Does no good and isn't very appealing. She knows how I feel about her so thats all I can do. Thanks again
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 I understand your feelings of desperation. If it's any comfort, they're familiar feelings for many people.
From the sound of it, you sound as though you may be overly devoted to her. No matter how good she is, you should never turn your back on your friends. In addition to leaving you with nothing to fall back on if your relationship goes wrong, devoting yourself to one person single-mindedly actually runs the risk of diminishing your attractiveness. She may have come to take you for granted. She may have found you less interesting than if you had your own interests and circle of friends. She may even have found you suffocating.
For your own sake, do get out and get more interests, meet more people, and do more things. In the process you'll also become a more rounded and attractive person. I won't suggest that this will be enough to attract her back (although you will probably have a better chance than if you just mope and hope), but you'll get a more balanced life and in time you'll ready to attract the next romantic interest that comes along. And don't worry, just as you found this girl without expecting it, there will be a next one!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Jason, what a nice man you are. You kinda sound like my ex. However we didn't work out and he is now with someone else. Like you, I believe in true love and what helps me is to remember that if it is true love, then set it free and it will come back to you.Let me tell you that bad comunication will destroy not only this relationship, but any others you may have. What are you scared of, your already losing her so you got nothhing to loose. Be true to your heart and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you love and miss her and want to be with her and then accept her decision. You need to be loved for who you are, and you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you just as much. Forget about her parents (it's not your problem) If she dosen't want you then let her go, you can still love in your heart. Work on yourself, develop your confidence and your right to communicate how you feel.But don't keep it bottled up, if you don't say how you feel, how will she know and why should she stay...... Give her reasons to love you and if she dosen't, well she dosen't.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (12 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing I cant get my head around is moving on to someone else. I've spent the last 5 years building a life with someone how can I move on and go through all that again risking that something else will go wrong again. I want to be happy, I dont want to be alone so what do I do. I love her, only want to be with her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (12 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like something inside me has died. No contact is so hard. I text her a question a few days ago about something trivial and I never got a response. It was a question, not a statement and she hasn't be civil enough to reply. Is it too much to ask
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (12 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAint heard anything from her for 3 or 4 days. Her mum rang me about something and I know that she hasn't told her whats going on. I don't think its up to me to tell her. There must be a reason why she hasn't. Her mum knows something is wrong and says just to let her stew for a bit
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (7 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd also whats hurting is the fact that she has someone else lined up. Even though her parents would kill her as they think we are still together and she wont tell them that we are just friends. I dont know what she wants, she wants to live her life and says she feels trapped but yet she wont tell her parents and free herself. Am I a fool for loving her enough to let her go and be with someone else? On the hope that she might come back some day
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (7 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd also whats hurting is the fact that she has someone else lined up. Even though her parents would kill her as they think we are still together and she wont tell them that we are just friends. I dont know what she wants, she wants to live her life and says she feels trapped but yet she wont tell her parents and free herself. Am I a fool for loving her enough to let her go and be with someone else? On the hope that she might come back some day
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (7 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrying no contact for a while. What is hard for me is the fact that i've made her my life, I turned my back on all my friends, not that she wanted me to I dont think, but I just did as all I wanted was her. Now Im lonely and in a house on my own. She has more contact with people in her work than I do in mine, so I feel totally alone. Im trying to keep my spirits up, but I keep blaming my self even though I havent done anything wrong apart from not communicate enough with her
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Thank you for your advice. It has made me feel better. Its difficult when you love someone with all your heart and you dont get anything for it. Thank you again
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Hi
I have not been in your situation, but I will try my best in this reply.
I do believe that true love never dies.
Sometimes people do fall in love with each other and over the course of being with each other, they get so used to each other that it make one partner think or feel that the relationship is boring or feeling that there is no spark anymore. If this is a case, then it is not your fault. She may have changed along the course and do not blame yourself for this. It may mean that she may not love you as you hoped for (unconditionally) but there may be a place in her heart that she does love you for what have done for her.
We will not know the reasons why this has occurred. You may have asumptions that there was someone else, that you may not feel good enough, or maybe she wasnt ready or is having internal problems with herself.
I know that this period in time for you is difficult, so my heart goes out to you.
Just because of what has happened that doesnt mean that you may have to stop loving her. You can place her in your heart and be thankful that you had this opportunity to share this time with that person. Maybe one day you will come across who will love you unconditionally, maybe she will reapper in your life again. People make mistakes, we are human and learn and grow in life through our experiences.
I think you should focus on yourself in the meanwhile, and take this time to empower yourself as a human being. Start thinking of how life is wonderful eventhough you miss her and love her dearly. Be thankful for all the other people around you whom have made you a better person.Get in touch with the other people that made you feel good about yourself, im sure that they would loved to hear from you.
I hope all the best for you, dont give up on yourself. Do things that can make you feel better. Keep us posted.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jasong +, writes (6 May 2008):
Jasong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would marry her if I knew she loved me. But she doesn't. We have talked about it in the past but I dont think she ever wants to get married, she thinks its silly. Do you think im a fool for waiting on her, I love her and would take her back in a second. Or should I move on
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Did you ever ask her to marry you? That is still very important to some people, and for many women, it is important that you ask.
Wonderful is wonderful, but she may want a future not just a "now" thing.
From everything you say, it sounds like you are both in love. Communication is everything, though. If she means enough to you, I would think you could tell her how you feel, and ask her what she needs.
Good luck!
...............................
|
