A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles, I am looking for some advice. My partner left me 3 months ago when I was ill and although I have my own friends, i joined an internet friendship and dating site for company and interaction but for friendship only.However I met a guy on there, one of many that i spoke to and we seemed to hit it off and arranged to meet up in London at the end of May (he lives in Italy where he works for the police service and is studying in the evenings for a degree as well) - we somehow seemed to have large amounts of contact including texts etc Over the past ten days he said there was a big operation at work plus he has exams (5 exams) throughout May so is very very busy. During this time we had very little contact and I texted him to ask how he was over the weekend and he said he was ok but busy and still wanted me and missed talking to me and said he would try to make the time to catch up later that evening but he was at an event dinner at his parents - but we didn't get to speak that evening I was ok with it, just thinking that we've arranged to meet up soon, he has said he is busy but still wants to keep in touch and likes me etc ... but I spoke to a friend of mine this morning who said it sounded as though he is just saying what i want to hear (ie i like you, miss you honey, hope to have some time soon') that sort of thing ... and she doesn't trust him at all ... i was feeling ok about it until this conversation although i do miss the intense contact but i realise we cannot keep that up all day and evening every day etc but some quick texts or chats would be nice i assumed when he says this he has good intentions but gets busy and the days go by and it's no big deal as such, since we haven't met so as such are just friends who flirt and like each other and have arranged to meet upmy friend said i should be more firm and ask him when we can make a time to speak, rather then being all casual and then worrying about it if I don't catch up with him he has not been online much which would match with him being very busy and I know exams and revision are stressful - i want to follow my instincts but after speaking to my friend (other friends have said it sounds ok ....) it got me feeling a bit paranoid and no i am worrying about it ..... i have posted on here before and got some good replies and i wondered if objectively, i could get some clarity from Aunts and Uncles on here?? Any thoughts would be appreciated as I am stressed about it and want to do the right thing for myself. What is reasonable contact to expect and is it ok for me to kind of try and arrange a time to speak rather than leaving things easy come easy go but secretly wanting to speak to him/email/text .... does this sound dodgy to you ....??? arghh HELP! I really like him and he says he really likes me. I understand about being busy but a few quick texts here and there should be do-able .... someone else said to me that men do not need the constant re-assurance of texts and contacts like women do .... any comments gratefully received with thanks?? xx
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 May 2008):
 I don't think it is very advisable to have an online relationship with someone who lives in another country.I joined a dating agency last year and hit it off with a Portugese guy who lives in The States, we spoke on msn and sent emails but never spoke on the phone. He made some cock and bull story about saying his English was not good. So I decided to cut off all contact and now I am dating a lovely guy who lives in London (about 10 miles away from me)who I also met online. So next time you want to meet a guy, for crying out loud make sure he is local and not living on the other side of the world. As it is very easy to fall into their trap and very hard to get out.You must have some strong ground rules when it comes to online dating, don't fall for the first person you meet and don't fall for their bullshit either. People will make up a lot of things about them to make themselves look and sound interesting. So keep your wits about you, so you know that they are not conning you. Good luck. Dusky xxx.
A
female
reader, mylonleyself  +, writes (6 May 2008):
 Well, I suppose I could say I was in your shoes a few years back (2 to be exact). I met this guy online, he lived a state away from me.. we talked, we e-mailed, we texted eachother and we decided that we really liked one another. We set up a time for him to come visit, but then he said he was busy and communication started to lack, I gave him time. I never rushed or anything, I just let him have his time and do whatever he had to do, I did keep in touch with him from time to time. Then after he got caught up with all the things he had to do we set up a date and met! I was very nervous, and thought that maybe he would get cold feet, but he didn't. We had a good time. So try not to worry, ok? ^^ If it is meant to be it will happen soon and if not, heck... then too bad for him. You keep your head straight up and start looking again!
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