A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi erveyone Would love ways of coping or advice on how to get through my situation.I am a director at an ad agency in New York. I started two months ago on six month probation. It's a small company 22 people run by husband and wife and on leader team there is me, one guy and two girls - all younger than me by about 5 /10 years. Though the husband and wife owners are older Last 4 years I was at a fab agency as director for last year but had problems and my boss thought I was underperforming and called me into a formal discplainry it knocked my confidence big time and I left and went to Italy for two months. I came back and got a job at ad place but quit after a month as so awful. I then found this job where I am. The problem is that the others don't like me I'm left out of meetings and the husband in particular has made eyes roll at me when I have said stuff in meetings. I'm meant to manage a team but they get the other directors to do it all and then don't tell me what's going on.I feel it's me. I work really hard in past two months average 60 hours a week and had no complaints in fact they have given me no feedback so I assume it's ok, but they just leave me out of important stuff and when I had a great client feedback I emailed the bosses to let them know and they ignored me but then called me up on something that was negative. I had to fill in a template for ad spend and he run through it briefly but when I came to it I had questions so asked that boss and had a patronising let's sit side by side email. It's like they look at me and think I'm not capable or mature even though I am 40 years old with a partner and home. I feel like my confidence was knocked from previous job and now it's worse. My husband says that if had a problem would tell me by now and yes they are being mean and out but ignore it do your job for a year then leave - as I can,t leave now after all the work problems I need stability on my resume. But how do I cope when I dread going in and everyday I dread the emails they send me. As said anything good is ignored, I have noticed it is only with me as not like that with others. And they are all new too, so I can't event say it's because new person takes timeWhat do I do. I need to stay the year Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): I was sad to read your story and agree with the other reply - the work place has become hostile in ways it should not be.Sometimes when we are under confident we portray a happy go lucky air to just get through the day and people become suspicious why we are genuinely just trying to do a good job in a respectful happy way !Make friends with your team, treat them the way you would like to be treated and be consistent - and gain their respect. Be loud be vocal " why was I not told about this meeting ?" But not aggressive ! - smile and know at the end of the day you go home to your partner and home. I suspect you are good at your job and successful in your personal life, people won't always like you for that, but it is their choice. Manage your team and focus only on your role, I hope you find life a little happier there, and good luck for the future
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): Keep a diary at home about each day this help you vent but also record the positive achievements you make - useful info for your CV and confidence. If you decide that you need to stay a year then use them to get as much from it as possible in terms of skills, contacts and projects and keep that in mind - make each day count for YOU. Stop doing 60 hours and get a life outside work. Life is too short to be unhappy and you are putting a lot in and getting nothing back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): It sounds like despite taking some time to visit Italy you returned and, as the saying goes, jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. You had issues in your last job which triggered you to take some much needed time out, but then on your return you leapt into new jobs probably a bit too quickly. Are you actually happy in this career? I wonder if you're actually, deep down, wishing you weren't there and so your emotions are a bit all over the place and you're also picking up on little things that ordinarily people in the work place can overlook. I speak from personal experience I myself have quit a job I have crazy level of qualifications because ultimately it was affecting my mental health, crying all the time at home, taking everything personally from colleagues and people there etc...While I have bills to pay I have taken time out, and to make ends meet got a less stressful job and will take time to consider future jobs I apply for. I know you're worried about your CV but actually you could quite easily explain that the short term job was one you secured after travelling to Italy and now you're looking to move on again because you realise your ethos isn't the same as the company/want to be part of a closer team/want new challenges (literally you can say anything - I have a ton of previous jobs and I have never failed to get an interview or employment as you just have to sell yourself and the skills each job helped you acquire).Give it a bit longer where you are, consider weather you might need to see a doctor about stress/anxiety (no shame in that - I'm naturally a worrier but had to see a doctor when, as described above, I was actually crying over everything), and actually if you are really unhappy there then change jobs. Life is too short to be miserable. Good luck (apologies for typos - using my phone!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): These are modern times when people show little grace or appreciation. They use you like a commodity; and because of the high usage of electronic devices and social media for communication, many people have lost their social and communicative-skills. So you grow a thicker skin, but maintain your core values.
You are allowing your emotions to get in the way of your professionalism; and you may come across to everyone like you are needy and have little confidence in yourself. You've even admitted you let the last two jobs knock the wind out of you. My dear, you can't do that in business. Business is business.
You should ask to be included in meetings. You should also check with your colleagues to make sure they connect with you on a professional level. Stop begging for approval and demand attention.
Liking you is not as important in business as respecting you. If you seem sad or emotional; people pick-up on it, and they loose confidence in your abilities. These people run a business, and they know a thing or two about employee profiles and behavior.
Your business is run on appealing to personalities, trends, and tastes. You have to get used to their management-style.
Everywhere you go it will be different.
Show your energy and confidence. Be upbeat and professional in spite of the dull personalities around you. When they pickup a different demeanor, they'll respond to it.
Let him roll his eyes, don't stop contributing your ideas. They're paying you for a reason. If you offer comments sheepishly, that could be the reason for eye-rolling; not necessarily the content of your statements and ideas.
Hire a life-coach if your confidences is completely blown.
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