A
female
age
41-50,
*enee34
writes:MOD NOTE: This has been submitted before several times but now has more details so I am letting it through. OP next time just add to this, do not keep resubmitting its too confusing for aunts/uncles. I was with my ex for 10 months, things have been rocky. When I first met him he told me I was the woman of his dreams and he was thinking I was the one he would marry. He is 41 and never been married or engaged, I'm 34 a widow of 4 years. We broke up a couple times and got back together. I felt like he didn't put enough time in or showed genuine interest although he told me he loves me. He could be very passionate, but behavior was unpredictable. As I result I resented him for that and hit below the belt and called him many demeaning names (broke etc) which I regret. Recently he broke it off and told me he was seeing someone else. However, after not coming contact for a week he text me and said I hurt him so bad. We talked and were cordial and still having sex, then I found out he was flaunting this new woman on Facebook which he has never done with me. I confronted him and he said he just needed time to figure things out. He said he still loves me and his heart was with me and the new woman was not a factor at this point. He said he was hurt and didn't want to go back down that road with me again.He moved on about two weeks after the split. I'm so hurt because I poured my heart out to him when he showed up at my house one day unannounced last week which he has never done. He gave me the most passionate hug and kiss ever. He told me if it's true love it will come back. Last night I see him and the women on Facebook at a yacht party dancing and hugged up. I was so hurt. I text him about how I felt, and told him everything he said the day he pooped up was a lie about how he really felt for me. He was so upset that I seen the pictures and videos on Facebook. He then told me he was not going to continue to be in contact with me and wishes me the best. I usually fly off the handle and insult him or say things to hurt him, but I didn't even respond. He always had a complex because I'm very independent, I'm an RN, own my home and car. He is a firefighter, but very insecure and struggles with financial issues (due to child support payments for three children)and emotionally is up and down. I have not actually dated for a while because I'm a widow and was with my husband since I was 17. My question is, how could he move on so fast? How could he post this women and hasn't been with her for long? I know he financially can't afford to keep going on these kind of dates, he has been using his credit card which I encouraged him to get because he struggled with credit issues and wanted to buy a home. I know I need to walk away, I just need the strength to cut him off. I'm sure he will try and contact me In the future, but it's hard because I do love him. How do I start with moving on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): I know it hurts, but you don't want a man like that. I think someone who truly loved you wouldn't of moved on that fast or made it so public on facebook.
I agree with the other post, delete/block, whatever you have to do. Maybe even get off facebook all together at least for a little while. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you, he isn't worth it.
And I'm sure he will be in contact with you, when this new relationship doesn't work out. You lost a husband, so you've been through much worst. Tell yourself you deserve better than a man who would do this.
A
female
reader, Renee34 +, writes (24 October 2016):
Renee34 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so very much for the advice RubyBirtle, I will definitely take those steps to begin moving on with my life. As you stated, we are humans and it will be a process, but I have to stand firm and begin to heal. Thank you so much!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (24 October 2016):
Step 1) Delete all his contact details from your phone (especially if you're the kind of person who either can't resist begging or being bitchy - doing things like that might seem to help short term but really does delay the process of moving on.) Go through your phone carefully and delete all his messages and your call logs
Step 2) Block his telephone numbers from your phone so he can't contact you for whatever reason
Step 3) If your phone doesn't let you block numbers (or you feel that he might start trying to contact you using a different phone) then consider getting a new phone number and making sure that people you given your new number to won't give it out to other people without your permission
Step 4) Block his email address (and consider getting a new email address if he starts trying to contact you from other email addresses)
Step 4) Delete and block him from ALL social media. Do not keep checking to see what he's up to, If you snoop in this way you will ALWAYS find something that upsets you and it will delay you from moving on. Remember that what he posts on facebook (or wherever) is not always going to be a specific dig at you - it just FEELS like it.
Step 4) If you can't keep away from him on social media (perhaps you have hundreds of mutual friends). Then consider taking a short "facebook holiday" for a couple of months or so - it won't kill you!
Step 5) Accept the fact that you are experiencing loss and grief and that you are going to feel lousy for a while. We all wish that we could get rid of negative emotions instantly but life ain't like that. There is no pill or mantra or magic potion to take it all away. We just have to work through it - it's the human condition.
Step 5) Accept the fact that there aren't answers to all the "Why" questions going round your head. "Why did he do this/that/the other" - the answer "because he's an immature, insensitive asshole" is really all the answer you need.
Step 6) Although it's normal to have all these unanswerable questions churning around your head - don't sit there dwelling on them too long. Get up and do something else to take the focus away even if just for a short while. You'll know what's best for you -it could be anything...
Take a bath, Do the washing up, Call a friend, Do a crossword, Walk the dog, Do press-ups ..... anything you enjoy or which gives you a sense of satisfaction (because you got that huge pile of ironing out of the way)
Step 7) Is the same as step 6 but just a bit more long term rather than just dealing with the negative emotions short term. Take up a new hobby (or throw yourself into a current one) Redecorate your home - even if you just rearrange the furniture and change the pictures around. Take (or plan) a holiday. Take up yoga or an exercise class. Throw a party for family and/or friends. Get a pet...... Once again you'll know best what kind of thing will work best for you
Good luck - I know it sucks at the moment but life will get better.
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