A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I just think I need to get out a few things and get feedback from objective people. I've had some issues with my ex coming around my apartment complex late, late at night and knocking on my window until I get up. He caught me once outside and it was not a good encounter. It got physical and only stopped when I was able to get the apartment security. I didn't bruise or anything, but he successfully scared me. I haven't been able to talk to my current bf about it too much, but he knows that the ex has given me some trouble. We've been going out for about 3 months, and although he is being patient with me, I'm worried that he's becoming irritated with my weird mood swings. I want to talk about it but I can't, its like reliving it all over again. So we were hanging out yesterday after a similar incident happened. I warned him that I had a bad day but he really wanted me to visit so I did. The evening ended with both of us being irritated. He knows I wasn't upset with him, but I'm not sure who he was mad at. Today, he met one of my friends for the first time. He wasn't very social, and my friend was left feeling like he was being assertive in a bad way. He didn't let her sit in the front seat with me, after both of us asking him to, and he really wasn't talking except to me. He met my roomie before and was perfectly social with her and her bf, so I don't know what to think. I'm probably, most definitely overreacting. He also kind of invited himself to dinner, and when my friend shook her head, I asked him to let me have time with just her and I, and while he said ok, I don't think it was. He got extremely quiet. I asked him why quietly, so my friend wouldn't notice, and he said he was thinking. I said if he didn't lighten up I would have to get girly on him (whatcha thinkin?). He said don't ask me what I'm thinking. Bad vibes from him. When we dropped him off at his house, he said he was ok, wasn't mad, but then said, "another time, babe" so I'm not sure really if that just meant he'd talk to me another time about it or what.I'm probably overreacting, but a few comforting words would be nice :). Thanks to anyone who read this far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): I think you are dating a BF that is alot like the EX BF. So my question is, do you think that is sure coincidence or has a lot to do with whom you chose to date?Also, what are you doing allowing your Ex to act like a stalker and loom outside your place and then even engage in conversation with him? You send the message he can act like a freak and you will STILL treat him like a healthy, respectful adult. He isn't even treated you in a like manner. No healthy boundaries.Men act like this to scare an EX back to them. Its a form of abuse/control. Get the Police invovled.Call the police to tell him to go home. Don't even let him know you are calling the police.Get assertive and teach these men they need to respect women, especially you!And yes, the Crazy Ex may be affecting how the Current BF gives you the silent treatment but it doesn't excuse his behaviour.I say call the BF on his "nothing" or 'another time' and say okay. Well I tried. Give him a kiss and act like its no big deal. Take his cue its no big deal. If BF can't be adult and talk constructively, dont' baby him and push him.Start creating some healthy boundaries and expectations from the men in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): I think its the Ex you need to sort out, he is spoiling your new relationship, he is still affecting you.He needs to be stopped.Thats where you need to start.
I have been in a similar situation in the past, my ex was trying to ruin my life. My new man who I had met 3 years later, went and spoke to him in the end, told him to back off.I wish I had sought help from the Police before that and not endured the late night phone calls, him hanging around in the early hours, or outside my work etc.
Let the Ex know you mean business before he spoils the new relationship and tell your new man everything.
Good luck
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