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*ittlegiraffe
writes: I found out that my husband kissed another woman whilst drunk at a party, and that they had developed a friendship prior to this. He had turned to her for comfort whilst I hoped our marriage was sortng itself out. I feel very hurt, not so much by the kiss; more the needing another woman, not me. I have felt like I'm forgiving him and he was distraught by the whole thing. I only found out through a mutual friend. My husband had said he hoped it would go away if he put it behind him. i need to move on and help him to work on our marriage, but it is still very raw. Am I overreacting? We are in our 30's and been together for over 12 years and this is the first time I have ever had to deal with this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): My husband "fell" for a coworker and close friend recently. I found an email where he expressed how thankful he was that she listened to him and smiled at him. They did not have any intimate physical relations, but he was becoming emotionally involved with her and it broke my heart. I was devastated. I angrily confronted him and he was very ashamed and embarrassed. what he did was wrong and should have come to me first. But, I realized he had been telling me for years that he did not feel like I had time for him anymore. (I put all of my energy into my children and took him for granted.) Because we have always been the best of friends we immediately began working on us. After just a few days of looking at each other and sharing our feelings of loss of what we used to be, we realized that we both were not working on our marriage and we wanted to fix it. We feel more connected now that we ever have and eventhough he should have steered clear of her when he was having feelings, I understand his need to be needed. I realized i was taking him for granted and now someone was not and it made him feel good. i have decided to be the person that makes him feel good and it has made all the difference. We are unstoppable now!
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reader, littlegiraffe +, writes (15 April 2005):
Thank you so much. He did admit he was attracted to her, but that it has passed now he realised what he stands to lose. He is a paramedic and she is a nurse at one of the hospitals. I have spoken to her and she assured me nothing else had or was likely to happen and she is very sorry also. I need to move on and we both need to work at this. We are talking more but it takes time. thank you again
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2005): Talk it out and make him understand that you, as a woman, need to talk it out over and over and over again. You have too much invested to not try hard. No, you are not overreacting at all. If you don't act now, then what? You should feel hurt but this is just a wake up call. Hear it and wake up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2005): Hey there, first of all you're not overreacting. It's natural to become worried about a loved one. We all do it. The main thing is you need to keep communicating to you husband. We all have a close person to talk to, just to gain an extra perspective to the situation but he also needs to come to you and make you aware of his problems and feelings; otherwise things won't get better. I gather this if the first time your husband has been unfaithful and that is forgivable (in my eyes). The fact that he was drunk means that he was most likly not being serious about it, but this close friend does seem to have a bond with your husband, whether it be just as friends or more. Your husband is the one you need to talk to about it. He's the only one that can give you answers. Ask him whether he has feelings for her etc, because of what has gone on he should understand and tell you honestly, as you are trying to reassure yourself and move on. You need to tell him how you feel about her too, so he doesn't get himself into situations which may get you suspicious or cause friction. You could try and get to know her more socially so you can observe their behaviour together. Get to know her as a person as this should hopfully build your confidence. I hope I have helped. xx
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