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*ichodemas
writes: Dear cupid:I've been dating a girl for going on a month now. We hit it off great. We have so much in common, like our sense of humor, things we want in life, etc. I've definitely fallen for her. She says she's fallen for me too. Now, here's the monkey wrench. She's been in abusive relationships and isn't used to being treated so good. She has an ex of 9 months, who she'd only been away from for about 3 weeks before we met. Well, last friday night, he calls her up, begging her to come back to him and says he wants to marry her and have children. We had been into a little "at odds" with each other that night. Well, she ended up going to his place and spending the night with him. They also slept together. She called me the next day crying her eyes out as she knew she screwed up something wonderful with me. I met her somewhere to get some of my belongings from her. We both cried together and held one another. I just couldn't bring myself to leave her. I truly love her, and it blows my mind that I'd even consider giving her another chance. She burst into tears again, once I told her that I was considering giving her a second chance. To me, and her, that shows just how much I do love her. We talked about it all day, made love that night, and things are better. I still bring it up, just needing to understand and to feel sure that it won't be an issue again. The guy is a drug addict and parties all the time. She discussed what happened with a friend, who told her she was co-dependent and was still thinking she could make this loser change. She also said she was just "used to him", and had some lingering insecurity issues with me because she feared I was "too good for her" and that one day I'd realize that and leave her. I want to get over this and move forward with her, and she says she wants the same thing. Am I being foolish? I know women are totally different than men, so I want to believe that we can still make it. Ironically, I believe she is "the one". We could be so great together over the long haul. How can I be sure her heart is with me? That's all I care about. I only want to understand why she did it and I need to know for sure that she is really going to commit to me. Sorry this is so long. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2005): It's really hard to leave a relationship, especially a long term one. I'm doing the same now and I have run back to him 5 times cause I'm just so used to seeing him a lot. He's like a brother. It's hard to finally let go. Your lady seems to have a lot of determination in her, same as me. She probably hates the fact that something failed and is still trying to improve it. It will take her a while to accept the fact that he won't and that you are in fact the better option. She probably only slept with him because she was confused and thought she could hold on to the last piece of hope for that relationship. It doesn't mean that she feels more for him than you because obviously you are making her happier. You met her coming out of the relationship and that is always going to be a difficult time to start a new relationship, but if you two work at it she will respect you so much for being there and not giving up on her. You obviously feel a lot for her and seem like a really nice guy, but she needs to move on or it just won't work. Help her through it and reassure her.Hope it works out xx
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