A
female
age
36-40,
*bhj07
writes:My boyfriend is going through a divorce, but still talks to his ex ALL the time. They have a daughter together, so I understand them having to talk some, but not about how eachother's day went, etc. He is constantly texting when he is with me, but tells me it's no one. I got his phone one night and he had been texting her and some other girl. I love him very much, and he says that he loves me, too. He said that she cheated on him and he is ready to move on, but I just don't know that he is. I have a son, which my boyfriend adores and loves spending time with. This is why I haven't kicked him to the curb yet, children involved makes it much more difficult. I just don't want to be lied to, cheated on, or made a fool of. I'm just looking for advice on this. I want to break up with him to prove my point, but what if it doesn't work? What if he doesn't come back? Then I have to deal with my heartbreak and my son's. I just do not feel that I deserve this kind of treatment. He rarely tells me where he's going, always out late, most of the time comes home late. I feel like I'm being used for a place to stay and sex every night. I am just asking for advice, please!!!
View related questions:
divorce, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, abhj07 +, writes (13 October 2009):
abhj07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your response! He knew that I went through his phone because he was drunk & passed out (he RARELY drinks, so didn't mean to drink that much lol) but his friend was texting me on my boyfriend's phone just to check on him. Both girls texted while his friend & I were texting, so immediately I knew something was up. I'm not the type to just go through someone's phone or personal belongings unless there becomes a reason for me to. The other day, she sent me a text (not sure how she got my number) & it was a forward message from him where he told her that he still really loved her, always thought about her, loved her from the first time he saw her, & how he wished that things would have worked out between them. He clears his phone call log and texts every night before going to bed now, afraid I will check them, which I won't, but clearly he's hiding something. OBVIOUSLY he's still in love with her & not ready to move on, so I think I am going to tell him that it's either her or me. They can talk about their daughter, but there's no need what-so-ever for him to go stay at his ex's house to play with his daughter when he could leave with her & there is absolutely no need for him and his ex to call and text eachother all day, every day. That's not fare to me or my son. I understand if he's not ready to move on, but don't lead me on and break my heart when he decides to go back to her (even after she cheated on him). If that's the case, they deserve eachother & he is not the right one for us.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 October 2009):
One thing that I've noticed when people are having trouble in their relationship is it is a failure to communicate. If you haven't talked to him about how is behavior is making you feel, then you really need to. Not saying anything to him at all probably makes him think that either 1. You're too stupid to figure out what's going on (which you're not), or 2. You don't care enough or you're "okay" with his behavior since you don't mention it and therefore, he thinks it's okay to walk all over you.
So basically, everything you stated in your question is what you need to tell him. Let him know that you're uncomfortable with him staying out late and not knowing where he is and that you are a little concerned about all the texting that he's doing that he doesn't want to tell you about (even though you went snooping through his phone I wouldn't tell him), also don't forget to mention the part where you feel like you're being used as a place for him to stay and sex. If he tries to put the blame on you or even lies about the texts that you KNOW he's been receiving and sending--then it's time to dump him regardless if he'll come back or not. If he mans up and makes a conscious effort to change his actions, then work on that with him. Otherwise, he's obviously not ready for a committed relationship since he cannot respect you.
...............................
|
