A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused1990
writes:I'm 20 years old and I have been with my fiance for almost fours years now since i was seventeen. He is 29 this year. We have a beautyful son togather thats 18 months. Well ever since we moved in with eachother in 2008 we have been having alot of problems. Me and him are complete oppisites. I grew up in a low income family and he had a little nicer side then me. He has always been into fashion and i havent. He used to always complian about the way i dressed and that i never got my hair done. He would always fight with me about something. One time when i was pregnant he told me that the only reason why we wore toagther was because of the baby. And now its because the house isnt clean everyday oh because i work in retail at night and its only for 6 hours i dont have a real job like him. He never shows me any affection either. No kissing, hugging, holding hands and cuddling in bed. Now its too the point where were fighting in front of our son over pety stuff- dishes not being done when he gets home or trash not being took out that just leads to a bigger arguement and other stuff brought up. I dont have any friends to talk to and i dont know how much longer i can put up with everything from him degrading me so much in the past i feel so much hate and anger towards him that im starting to act like him now and trying to find ways to degrade him and put him down. I dont want to be like this anymore i dont want my son to see his parents hate echother. I just need someone to talk to. Or even just listen to me. [Edited to insert paragraphs for readability]
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 He sounds like a control freak. I think you have to leave for the sake of your own sanity, as well as the welfare of your child. It is very sad to separate when a child is involved. However, it is worse to stay in a bad relationship for the sake of children. As your son gets older he will come to understand that it is normal to fight and treat women badly. It will have an impact on his own adult relationships later in life, as well as the happiness of his childhood. You will sink into depression as no-one should withstand constant criticism.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 You could try having a trial break to see how it goes. Life is too short ot live in this kind of turmoil and it's very hard on kids living in that kind of tension too.
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A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (1 September 2010):
 I'm so sorry you're in this situation. And it makes it all the more difficult with a child involved. Don't let him tell you what to wear. Don't let him tell you that you don't have a real job. These are all, as you said, degrading things to say. He's making you feel bad about yourself on purpose. Here's my question. Why do you think he's doing this to you? What have you ever done(and I'm doubting you have ever done anything)to make him think you deserve this? He sounds abusive and mean. In any other situation, I would tell you to pack up and leave. But it's not so easy with your son.
You say you have no friends to talk to. Has he isolated you as well? Or are you afraid of what they will say? Do you feel you need to hide his behaviour?
As far as housework goes, he should share in it just as much as you do. After all, don't you BOTH live there? And wasn't it you who carried your child for 9 months, has to care for him while your fiance is gone AND has a job? It sounds to me like you're doing quite a bit already.
My advice to you, don't let this man put you down or change who you are. Don't let his lies and hurtful words become true in your mind. You're very strong and have done so much, especially for your son.
I'm always here to talk. Best of luck,
Katy.
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