A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I haven been together for three years now and we are very happy together, however before we were together I was in a strangle relationship with my best friend whom is female. My best friend and I did everything together and spent all our time together too, it was almost like a relationship but not quite. However, I know now that both myself and my best friend, we can call "J" for this, had feelings for one another. We both would keep it to ourselves but be both knew it was true yet neither of us wanted to act on it. Then one night, literally a day or so before my girlfriend and I got together, I stayed at J's house for some drinks and some PS3 time. The night started out like any other between us. A few drinks and some games, a great time together both really happy. Then we decided to go to bed and this is when things get complicated. We both stripped down to our underwear like any other time, only this time there was no spare bed left out for me to sleep on so I assumed I was on the sofa, but upon saying goodnight and walking out J stopped me and said to jump in with her. Not thinking of anything going wrong I did. Then after a few minutes, you guessed it, we began messing around. There probably no need for detail here so I won't give any. But after a while J asked if we could have sex. I immediately said I had no condoms and we couldn't, J took one out from a drawer and said we could then but I still refused. For some reason I wanted to be in a relationship with my current girlfriend more than have sex with my best friend whom I'd been attracted to for years.It was then 2 days later my girlfriend and I properly started dating and I never once looked back... Well sort of. I keep fantasising about that night with J and this is now 3 years on and I still fantasise about it. Why am I still doing it? Does it mean I'm still attracted to J? Should I tell my girlfriend or July about this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): "Why am I still doing it?"
Ah it's nothing OP, just "the one that got away". All of us, especially guys have a few of those. I can give you 10's of examples of girls I had the chance to sleep with but never did, moments I know upon looking in the past she was ready, willing and wanting me to tear her clothes of and bone her.
It's nothing major OP, just curiosity, just a minor thing you'd wished you'd went for but are actually probably better off that you didn't. It could have ruined everything.
"Does it mean I'm still attracted to J?"
On its own, not it's not. OP it was guaranteed sex that you turned down with a girl you were close to and found nice. Right there, lying there, wet as a waterfall dying for you to stick in her and you said no. Of course you're going to regret that decision, we're men OP. We "never" say no to any woman in those circumstances and yet you did, you're always going to kick yourself over that. But acting on it now would be even a bigger mistake.
"Should I tell my girlfriend or July about this?"
Hell no! Why would you do something as crazy as that? It's done, she'll always be the one you could have but you didn't, you just have to live with that. It'll always be there, even if you broke up with your girlfriend now to try it with her, it wouldn't be the same. It may even be really shit, awkward sex. You just have it built as the most amazing sex you never had in your mind. Like we all do with the chances we miss OP. You'll see, there'll be more things like this, life is filled with missed opportunities, just accept that it can feel shitty not to have to done something but remember, once the chance is gone it's gone and has to be moved past.
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