A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I hope someone can help me with this. Again its another break up question. Me and my bf have dated for about 4 years now off and on. We split up for a year and both had relationships however, soon after they both ended we got back together. However, things have not been the same since. We have been having problems due to lack of communication etc as ive been studying in another country. Also as we never communicate we are not as intimate with each other as we like when we do actually see each other. However, a few weeks ago i went home for my birthday and saw him which was really nice as he cooked me a meal etc. Then a couple of days later i went away and he didnt text or ring on my birthday. I got mad at him when he didnt realize that he had hurt me. We got into a massive fight and he said some horrible things which really hurt me and we have not spoken for 2 weeks. Yesterday he texted me saying how much he missed me. I really dont know if to text him back or just ignore him and move on. Of course i miss him and wanted to text him, but i was strong and didnt. I thought at least his text would have an apology, but he just said he missed me. Is it worth texting him back or should i just move on??Thanks in advance
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Personally I feel that both texts and emails can sometimes feel very cold and not actually convey the true feeling you want to get across in a conversation.
He made an effort to make you feel special by cooking you a meal as you went home for your birthday so he had made a massive effort in that one thing alone.
So why did you go away when it was your birthday, did he know this was happening and did you say to him, maybe we can chat on my birthday or it is OK for you to ring or text me? Did you actually ask him why that didn't happen when you got into this massive argument?
He doesn't know where he stands right now and you are not telling him how hurt and upset you are so I do feel that he is trying to do everything he can to make amends but at the end of the day sweetheart, he isn't a mind reader either. Sometimes SOME (not all) before I get slated for saying this - some men don't actually know how to handle a situation and don't realise that you are THAT upset and need an apology.
If for no other reason than to draw a line under it all, I think you should actually talk to this guy. Why not text him and say - why don't we talk online maybe on MSN Messenger or Yahoo Messenger if the phone call is too expensive if you are no longer in the same country.
If you are in the same country then ring him and talk to him if it isn't going to cost the earth.
Sometimes trying to prove a point isn't the answer. You have both been under added pressure of not actually communicating whilst you are away - why is that?
I would have thought that both of you need to put more effort into this relationship if you want it to work. Little letters or emails and maybe a daft gift being sent to one another is a way in which you could keep the romance in your relationship.
Are you going to be living and studying abroad for some time?
If this is the case then you need to be honest with one another as a long distance relationship can be so hard on anyone and if you are both going to be miserable, what is the point. It is better to face facts and move on with someone new who is actually living nearby.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (7 December 2009):
I think you should text him telling him that you need to move on. Even if he is acting stupid, you don't leave someone hanging. Do the mature thing and tell him it's over.
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