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male
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*im1234
writes: I can't make my girlfriend come. I've been with women before who have said that sex was very good and they came but my current girl friend won't come. I almost kill myself trying to make her. I've asked her what I can do to make her come but she says I'm doing it right. I'm worried that I can't satisfy my girlfriend and now she's talking of getting a vibrator which makes me feel really usless as a lover. What should I do??
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female
reader, missleprechaun84  +, writes (15 June 2009):
As a female who has found orgasm through sex near impossible, I can understand your frustration. My poor boyfriend tells me that my inability makes him feel like a failure. If your girlfriend has been with you for a year now, it's obvious that it isn't upsetting her as much as it is upsetting you. Getting a vibrator doesn't mean that you have failed, in fact I've found that adding toys into sex can really spice things up, and make it more fun for both people involved. Try to be open to trying new things and maybe once she sees your willingness to add to the existing experience, it may excite her enough to bring her closer to the big O. Remember that if she feels pressure from you to orgasm, that will definitely make it that much harder for her.
A
male
reader, cleeowls2  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 look man im no sex therapist but i am a very good observer and if you want to make your lover climax u cant do it with penatration alone.foreplay is everything this is what i call the worm up befor the big game. the hotter your girl/lover is befor penatration the better it is for you. she will also climax alot easier if u stimulate he g spot which is a half of an inch from insertion just behind the pubic bone and her clit im sure u know where that is. what ever u do dont make it a war have fun with your girl. yall been together for a year she love u. it works for me and all my friends im sure it will work for u
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): u should buy the vibrator so that ur not completely useless
lol
not really
some women are less suceptable to climaxing! you shouldnt worry about it
unlike men they thouroughly enjoy the whole experience from start to finish and dont just depend on the grand finale like we do, just make sure ur giving her ur best every time and she will ask no more of u
she will come eventually try clenching to stop u finishing so soon and see if its simply a matter of time that she needs
hope this helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): It kinda depends on how you're trying to stimulate her. As previous posters have said, vaginas themselves don't have many nerve endings, and they shouldn't! We have to give birth, if there were tons of nerve endings down in there, giving birth would be too painful to bear, and yet women give birth every day. Some women can climax from vaginal stimulation during sex, others cannot.
I would say to go for areas outside, such as the clitoris...if you are counting on making her climax just from vaginal intercourse, it may be a lost cause. And that's okay! Above all, just don't blame yourself.
And....make sure she's being honest with you and willing to work on it with you... being good at sex is not an inborn trait. People have to learn, and with every new partner, it's going to be different.
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A
male
reader, Dan222  +, writes (16 November 2008):
Whatever you do, do not feel threatened by a vibrator. It's a great way to stimulate her!!!! What you also need to consider is if she is stressed. If she is then her mind may not be into it and therefor no matter how good or long you can last she will not orgasm due to a mental barrier. I had the same problem for about a year and then read a book and discovered this. Sowhat i did is took her away for a weekend and she went of for a massage while i lit candles in the room, when she came back she was relaxed and her senses where open.Then all you have to do is a bit of foreplay after teasing her and perhaps using the vibrator for a while and slowling starting whilst asking what feels the best as you are going along. try that and you may be suprised
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A
female
reader, MissLova +, writes (27 June 2008):
I know a lot of women who can't come in "traditional" ways. Some women even say they can only come "in their minds" - whatever that means!!!
Anyways - have you tried having sex through the "back door" .... meaning, through the butt. There are more nerve endings and the setup makes it easier for women (and even some men) to climax that way. And the orgasm is even greater and better than through the vagina.
If you try it, make sure that you use plenty of lubricant and are very gentle at first - this is IMPORTANT!
If you try it, let me know how it goes!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Hey Man,
Honestly, dump this girl and find one that you are more sexually compatible with. The fact that these people think you have to take responsibility for her inability is astounding. As you clearly stated other women you have been with have had no problem reaching climax with you with out use of a machine or washer or blow dryer. I say end it now before she uses her inability as a weapon of control in relationship and under no circumstances do you marry this woman. Sexual compatibility is as important as emotional compatibility. Trust me you don't want to find yourself 5 years down the line playing second fiddle to so piece of electronics. Oh and I'm a woman I've been married twice and it took two times to finally figure it out. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): I myself use to have the same problem, then I found this book in someones basement, I started to read it. One of the things I read, I had to try. And I think you as well as anyone reading this should! First of all you spouse, g/f or what ever must trust you.
Ok, this is what you do, First you have them lay on the bed, face up or down, whatever you prefer, them blind fold them. Now dont jump right into it. this is the trick! They must lay there no moving around, no talking or it will ruin it. What you do is play with her two sence, (hear, and touch) while playing with her mind. You must fiddle around! walk around fiddling, move things around, walk out of the room for min. walk back in fiddle some more. But still everyonce in a while you must touch them some how. maybe walk by and run your hand across there body, maybe a spank here and there, or ice, this one is always good. do this for about 10 MAYBE 15 mins. What this does is make them wonder. What are they doing, what do they have, what are they going to do with it. where did they go. This pushes them to be so ready for what ever you are going to do that they are about to explode. Now when you are ready to give them what they have been so patiently waiting for there is no need for forplay, that is what you was just doing. When you go for it, surprise them. Just jump right into it and you will see what will happen.
Good luck to you all!
it was good for me! LOL LOL
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A
female
reader, princess05 +, writes (16 August 2005):
hello, first of all DO NOT feel that you are a useless lover becasue she wants to get a vibrator, just think of it as being a sex toy that you can both use, try laying her down on the bed and telling her to relax, tell her to imagine her greatest fantisy is happening, kiss her all over and try licking her vagina all over and lick her clitoris,tell her to move your head to were it pleases her most, some people enjoy comin by foreplay more so keep licking untill you make her scream, if you do make her come then don't worry she will be so happy she will soon make it up t you. ENJOY...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): Be glad she spoke up and said she wanted a vibrator. Most girls would wait until the guy just showed up with one and then felt too embarrassed about it to do anything with it. Enjoy the vibrator. It may be just what tips her over the edge. Not a thing to worry about. Just enjoy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2005): Excellent advice above, And mabye the same applies to yourself. See if you can prolong your ejaculation by thinking about the neighbours dog barking or the spider in the corner of the room. Also, withdraw before you feel ready to come and experiment with your tongue or fingers. Some women are like trains, It takes ages for them to heat up, but when they do, they're a steamroller. Trouble is a lot of men fall off before then, so do your best to hold on.
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A
female
reader, marn +, writes (25 July 2005):
my idea is let her get a vibrator! evin though she is not coming does not mean she is not enjoying it! but what you should do to make her tell you what she actually wants is, turn it into a game. a sex game. you blind fold her let her tell you what she wants and were she wants it , then do the same with you but i sugest so she feels comfortable you go forst. when the blind fold is on her turn on the vibrator and use it on her. this will make her come trust me she will be so turned on by this. so take my advise and it will work trust me!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2005): Most women dont cum so don't worry its not your fault. I agree with the last answer... She needs to find out what gets her off and show you. A vibrator wouldn't be such a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2005): You're worrying needlessly. It's not a contest where, if she doesn't come, you lose! You need to relax and understand a few fundamental truths about women.All women don't respond the same way to sex. Some women can and some women CAN'T climax during normal sex. They just can't. It's not that way for men, I know, so you have to try to get your mind around the idea of being in a body that doesn't have orgasms set to "default mode".And you can't "make" your girlfriend come. What you do is assist her. You help. You make it possible. You make it natural. But her orgasm ***isn't*** totally reliant on what you do; much of it is going to be in her mind, and no matter what you're doing to her clitoris and breasts and whatever else, you can't affect what's going on in her brain. Women who have difficultly having orgasms can have intrusive thoughts about dishes in the sink that can spoil the moment - I'm not lying! Dishes in the sink. Or the next-door neighbour's dog barking. Things like that can keep your girlfriend from having an orgasm. You have to remember that.Some women don't have orgasms from penetration alone; they need more stimulation than that! Vaginas don't have many nerve endings and normal sex doesn't stimulate a woman where it counts. You should be welcoming the fact that your woman wants to get a vibrator. Encourage her, because she can show you what she does to bring herself off! You'll learn heaps by watching, if you keep in mind that you're not "competing" with a bit of cheap plastic. Your g/f can show you what parts of her body are more or less sensitive, what speed she likes to go, how deep and all kinds of things she probably can't exactly explain. (Not only that, but chances are you'll get pretty hot watching her...)Watch. Learn. Enjoy. Then use what you learn on her and she'll love you even more.Just don't worry!
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