A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so bad about sex and intimacy that I haven’t so much as kissed a girl in 3 years. My only sexual experience was 5 years ago and was really bad. She didn't seem to "hot" and I just couldn't do it, lost my erection and it was over and she left. A few days later she told me she'd tried to kill herself. I don’t think I deserve to be loved by a woman and wouldn't be able to make her happy even I found one who did. I feel like its wrong of me to touch or kiss women, that’s its hurtful and would never be wanted from me.I feel like I'm disgusting to women. I'm 25 now and I feel trapped by my inadequacy and don't see any way of these feelings changing. I have a happy life away from this problem. I enjoy my job; have good friends (of both sexes) and a family who love me to.Dose anyone have any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Yes... go to a mental health professional. Harsh but true! Your feelings of inadequacy probably have a deep root that needs to be looked at and healed.
I met a guy who probably felt as you do. We could talk nicely but if I were ever to get near him (in an emotional/bf-gf manner) he would basically freak out. He started trembling and changed the subject. Apparently once I took him to far; he didn't call for about 2 weeks and didn't respond to my txt messages, so I decided to leave it at that. When he tried to contact me again I decided not to pick up, it would be to emotionally unstable for me and I didn't want that. Lesson: he drove me away!
Why did you "loose it" the first time? There are a million reasons I could think of, ranging from you were too rational up to: it was your first time, everyone freaks out. My current boyfriend was virgin when we first had sex; he didn't cum and this was hard for me to accept but he came in for seconds (another day) and since we have been able to work trough it. Be sincere with your partner, share your fears and let her walk you through!
Work with your self esteem, if you can, look for help.
Best of lucks!
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