A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a big dilemma which is ruining my life right now.. I have been in a relationship for four years with my boyfriend that I really love. However we got in a big fight and I moved out. It's been two months since I have been living on my own. Now he's begging me to come back, and he says he have changed -which I believe.. But I met another guy online but he lives in Florida and now he wants to move to New York with me and I dont know what to do.. I am willing to give my boyfriend a second chance but he wants me to move back in right away and I dont want to do that because I am very excited about my new love with this new guy. But I cant see pursuing a future without my boyfriend.. And if I move back in with my boyfriend I am concerned about what my friends and famiy may think as well.. what do i do?
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female
reader, marzi  +, writes (11 February 2010):
it depends on what your boyfriend have done to you.if it's something about his attitude that you think might happen again you should not give him another chance.cos normally guys will say they changed but they will do the same mistake again.according to my personal experience.
life is short and you don't have so much time to waste with someone who did you wrong.start your new life and see what will happen.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Were you happy when you were living with your boyfriend? It is just interesting how you moved out after the fight, and met a guy online who you are confused about. Did you feel trapped at all, while living with your boyfriend?
You say you love your boyfriend and are willing to try again with him. Yet you feel excited about your new love. I am wondering if maybe things don't feel so exciting with your boyfriend anymore, and that is why this new guy seems so appealing? Also, when we get to know someone new, things seem great at first. You are probably getting on really well, and after the fight with your boyfriend that must be really nice. But even with this new guy, there are bound to be problems and disagreements at some point, because no relationship is "perfect". So maybe he seems more attractive right now because things with him are new and uncomplicated.
If you are not sure about moving back in with your boyfriend right now, then maybe you need some more space apart. You could still see him and try and work things out. But don't move back in if you're not sure you are ready. But if you do want to move back, then I think you should try not to worry about what your family and friends might think. You are the one in the situation, and only you can decide what is right for you.
Whatever is going wrong in your relationship with your boyfriend will need to be worked on by both of you, if things are to work, which you know anyway. So if that is what you'd like to do, then go with that, and don't worry about other people. As for the online guy...I don't know. I'm not trying to say that you should end things with him. But I just wonder if you really have feelings for him, or if it is the idea of a new relationship that appeals. I think you will need to decide between the two guys though, otherwise things will get confusing! But I do advise against rushing things with this new guy. I think it may be best first to really think about what you want, before making any big decisions.
I'm sure you will make the right decision, whatever it is. Good luck. x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 February 2010):
Your new love is moving things way too fast, so I think that stands little chance of really working out. So there's a big red flag for you.
As for your boyfriend, take things slow if you are willing to give a second chance. You need to be sure that he has changed, and isn't just putting on an act. Make him work for you again.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (11 February 2010):
Well be realistic first of all. It sounds like you never even met the guy in florida, so your "new love" really just sounds like a fantasy. you can't really know someone who lives 1,000 miles away after only 2 months. On the other hand you and your ex have 4 years of history together. you know him. But you broke up for a reason. You don't tell us what the big fight was about. But if you think that you want to give him a 2nd chance, I'd say give him a second chance but don't move back in just yet. Stay where you are. Be honest with the guy in florida. Tell him moving to NY is a really big step (and possibly a big red flag that he wants to relocate his whole life for someone HE barely knows) and tell him you want to try to work it out with your ex, you have a lot of history and you feel like he deserves a chance. But if you can't you will see where things can go with him, but it's not fair right now for him to change his whole life around for you. That's just way too much pressure on a new relationship.
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