A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had an affection struggle since the beginning of my relationship. Or, I suppose it's a struggle. Sometimes I don't think it is.My fiance and I have been together for three years. Since the beginning, it feels like he never wants to stop hugging me. I always tell him not to touch me as a result.About when we first met at 16, we liked each other, but I was not suppose to date. He never understood that, and when he tried to hug me or anything, I would get overcautious and not even want to be around him, even though I really liked him and we became best friends and were basically dating, anyway. I really don't like public affection. But, I do sacrifice because I'm pretty sure his love language is touch, so I'll hold hands and what not, but sometimes I don't want to, and I tell him so. The issue is slightly better, but when he wants a hug every time we get out of the car, or when he wants twenty hugs before we part ways, it's annoying. I tell him this, but he gets all upset. He makes me sound like the bad guy...and then I feel so awful! I get so frustrated. I'll tell him I need some space and he has started giving me a little, so I guess things are getting better.I love him very much, and I just want to know if anyone else has had a similar situation. I've tried to ask him why he needs a hug all the time, is he trying to fill a void? He is kind of girly in a lot of ways and a bit socially awkward. Why might he be over touchy-feely? What can I do to help him or show him kindly my boundaries? Am I in the wrong?
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Hmmm I wonder why your Dad is that over the top about affection? Something has happened to him to make him feel this way about affection. He is undoubtably the reason you feel uncomfortable about it. Don't let your Dad's views shape your behaviour. Do what feels right for you. If you want a cuddle go for it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Hey, thanks for the responses! They mean a lot to me. I have been sacrificing, and he does notice, and I think he has become better at hugging at appropriate times.I just wanted to note, though, that I still live at my parent's house and I do not like for my dad to see my fiance and I being close, because he has major issues with it. One time my fiance and I were actually having a little argument on the porch, and he happened to be close to my face, my dad walked out, then went back in. The next day he told me that we were getting "too chill". It's funny because we were just arguing over something silly, not even being affectionate at all.Also, I know a lot of people who DO NOT date at all, even though we are all in college. Sometimes I feel like an out cast, and if they ever see me even holding hands, I'll get ostracized. I know it will be a bit better when we get married, because if we ever take a trip a couple hours away, PDA is less of a problem because I don't know the people. Of course, I still don't like it overdone. :PPBut, I've been sick lately, and last night my fiance came over to watch a movie, and the night before he did as well, and I cuddled with him on the couch, even when my dad was right there. (He's over controlling, but he didn't say anything this time.) So, yay.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 April 2012):
 People have different ways of showing affection, he wants to make sure (on a daily basis) that you KNOW you are loved and the HE is the one who loves you.
I think it's lovely that he is so open with his affections, but as a person who isn't a HUGE PDA fan, I get your side.
Maybe you should try and "beat" him to it. Hug HIM first. And then sit him down and tell him THIS is what I like and this can from time to time annoy me. Explain that you don't NEED PDA, but that you enjoy it, but for him to just not go overboard. Find a nice compromise.
For some reason I picture your BF as some Newfoundlander puppy. :)
Honey, he loves you.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (3 April 2012):
No you are not wrong. There are people who love lots of hugs and people who can survive on one hug a day or less. (I am in that former category). He really needs to accept that you are just not as touchy feely as him and make peace with it. You both need to come up with some kind of affection compromise that pleases you both.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 April 2012):
 It sounds more like an OCD issue, or maybe even he had a loveless childhood of where he needs that constant physical embrace.
He's a touchy-feely person and you don't want to be touched. That's a MAJOR issue. Sounds like bipolar opposites. That's how you are and that's how he is. You both would have to meet in the middle to make this relationship work any further. COMPROMISE.
Ask him if he could reduce his hugs and you will try to be more affectionate with him. Which includes kissing, limited hugs, holding hands, etc. Not trying to push you out of your comfort zone, but at the same time this is the man you're going to marry so you're going to have to be affectionate.
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