A
female
age
30-35,
*alley11
writes:Hi there just a quick question which i hope you all can help me with.I am totally and utterly in love with this guy, he may or may not like me but i know deep down it would never work as we just dont match. so my question is how do i get over someone i love if it wont work?Thanks,Malley Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Malley11 +, writes (28 November 2011):
Malley11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry yes he is single too :)
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Hi Mally,
Some people are attracted to each other immediately, so they pursue a relationship. Some people become friends, and they never think of the person in any romantic way. I think this might be your case. I understand that you are afraid of being rejected? As far as you are concerned, you both are friends only, and you haven't notice any attraction on his part, so you are no sure how he feels about you.
Is he in a relationship? Does he have a girlfriend? Those are things you should consider before you make any move. I also think that you should ask him out for coffee? There's nothing wrong with that. Try to spend more time with him, and eventually you will know if you have any chances? He might also be interested in you, but probably didn't think of anything because you guys are friends. Who knows? He might like you back?
Bottom line is, I know that is hard to fancy someone, and not know for sure if this can lead to anything, but you will never know unless you try? You have nothing to loose? Don't be nervous, tense, be casual, and who knows???
My opinion is, try to spend more time, and when you think the moment is right, ask him in a formal date. If you don't have the courage to do so, then it's best to move forward, and try to forget him... Like I said, if you continue this way, you are the only one getting hurt, and if time goes by, you'll become more attached, and it's going to be more difficult for you to let him go.
Hope this helps...
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Malley11 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Malley11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChaliceODamnation....did you comment on the right post? i am utterly confused by your post i never said anything about sex because well i havent had sex yet and as for triggering memories my condition means i'll never remember anything before i was 21 and as far as ive been told ive had a great childhood and am very close to both parents and all my close family. I honestly have no idea what you are talking aboutTo the other readers, there hasnt been a relationship between us as i posted in my last comment, we are just friends and he has no idea i like him its literally, went to college, met this guy, fancied him, feelings got stronger and he's none the wiser thats all there is to it. I havent had a relationship in the past year which in my head ive never had a relationship. My condition is very rare nd hard to describe so i wont go any further into it but basically he's a guy, i'm a girl who likes the guy but too afraid to say anything, maybe i'm just making excuses saying it wont work because well i'm just afraid of him finding out
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): I believe we do choose who we love and maybe just not aware of all the thought processes that are involved. How the guy moves his body, how he smells, how he smiles, how he sounds- all trigger memories from our past experiences. So we may decide we like someone, at first because they look hella hawt to our eyes.But after all of that, the other things come into play. Why when he moves his head like that or plays with his ear lobe; I find it so damned cute?Body langauge IS universal and I have found in the dating world, to discern if a guy likes me, is to see if he will mimic me. I lean forward to the table, the guy does the same, I sit back, guy does the same, I put hands on table, guy follows suit. HES ATTRACTED TO ME. ;)Also, a scent of someone can trigger a memory of someone we once knew who was kind to us, who was funny, sweet, so that similar scent can get us to project those same memories and feelings onto the new person.Just many are not aware of the chemical level and brain functioning of attraction.Also for those, who have suffered an unhappy childhood home, they fall into a cycle of abuse, where they chose partners that remind or 'represent' a parent and have similar traits.For instance, if Dad was emotionally distant and would go to his study to go on computer, or read, and it was communicated verbally or body language wise that Dad was unapproachable, child feels the absence of their Dad. So if A Man/Woman that the child, now adult seems to exude the same emotional distant, coolness, closed off, or even emotionally abusive and controlling and uses silence and denying of physical closeness - it triggers abandonment issues. So part of the attraction to such an individual is the persons subconcious choice to WIN the love of this person and in doing so, they get closure over their Absent Dad, and they can love and feel loved and live happily ever after. Cycle of abuse.I'm thinking you subconciously chose BF and the LDR and its the TRIGGER of abandonmment issues so you are now playing out the cheating GF by using sex for closeness with Men.You have to stop it all Sweetie. Its destructive and getting caught up in this cycle; it gets worse.So please seek some counselling to help sort out your head and heart, heal, and with it, you get stronger, healthier, wiser, you make healthier decisions about dating and life in general- you are happier.*hugs*
...............................
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (27 November 2011):
Have you ever had a relationship with him to know that? You need to mention the circumstances,otherwise its impossible to answer. To generalise,there is no such thing as dont match. There is no guarantee love will work even if you do match 100%. It doesnt work because of non communication, cheating,lying,stealing,rivalry etc. and just treating your partner like you wouldnt like to be treated yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, Malley11 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Malley11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso just to add i started in august so its been since then and i thought it was just a crush and i'd get over it but my feelings just got stronger
...............................
A
female
reader, Malley11 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Malley11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe're just friends at an adult learning course at college, i'm 22 he's 26 and he doesnt know i like him. Its just a gut feeling i have when i think about what we would be like that even though i really care about him i'm not sure we would mesh in a relationship, theres nothing wrong with him or anything he's just never really shown an interest in that way. My situation makes it a bit weird as i have memory loss, i have this last year to remember but i dont have anything before that, this doesnt seem to phase him at all which is a good thing and a relief off my mind but i also have seizures and i dont know if he'd be able to cope. I think i'm just scared of him turning me down and he does act as if he's younger where i feel i need to be more mature because of how i am. I dont know if thats any clearer i just kept writing haha if theres anything else just ask :) thanks again
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): Unless there`s been a break up of trust,lies,betrayal or cheating by one or both of you,then you should never let true love pass you by.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2011):
 How to get over someone?
depends on so many things... what the relationship was, what it is, what you want it to be...
a lot of this is just time.... time does heal a lot... it creates emotional distance...
however if this is a crush you've had with no real interaction with this guy, then the best thing will be meeting someone new to focus your attention on...
but like everyone is saying... can we please have some more information?
...............................
A
female
reader, bluegreen  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Go for it! Let love prove its name!
If it doesnt work, at least you tried, and you used your heart!
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Hi Malley,
It's difficult to give you any opinion, as you didn't explain why this might not work?
I guess, you don't choose who to love, and you cannot control your heart. But, if you truly believe this is an impossible situation, for whatever reasons you may have, it's best to just let go, before you get more emotionally attaché.
Good luck
...............................
|
