A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After meeting my fiancé at our former place of work, I thought we were meant for each other and were going to be together forever. We had the chemistry, both on a emotional and physical level but it's slowly evaporated over time. Then our mutual friend came into the picture, him and I had been great friends for the past year and within the past few months things have started to change between us. I have fallen head over heels for our friend, and I am in utter disarray on what I should do. To add to the confusion, I did the horrible act of cheating on my fiancé with our friend, but it would kill me to not know what couldve been. I regret it completely and I am going to tell my fiancé, but I'm nervous. Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do appreciate all the input. Thank you. I'm positive things are over between my fiancé and I, there are just too many things that have happened as of recently for it to keep going. He is a great person just incredibly mentally immature, as am I, hopefully him and I can both learn from this disasterous relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Obviously. You might want to consider that there is more -MUCH more - to a relationship than just chemistry. Chemistry is absolutely certain to wear off after a while if you don't have common ideas about life; can trust one another (evidently you can't); enjoy similar interests, but know to give one another space; be able to talk openly about issues/problems in your relationship when they come up and are in agreement about your desires and goals for the long term. If you are engaged to someone and planning to marry, these are all pretty basic.
Not so necessary in casual dating, however. Look at this as a bit of "relationships 101."
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thanks I think? I guess I shouldve added that my fiancé hasn't been the most faithful either and in my mind, I tried to justify this with cheating on him. It didn't work, and I had to find out from his mistresses (yes, there are plural) that he was involved elsewhere. It's a big mess. Neither of us are responsible enough to be in a relationship obviously.
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A
male
reader, Mr Me +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I think you need to break it off with your fiance withOUT telling him that you cheated. Telling him that you cheated is just shifting the guilt from your shoulders to his. He shouldn't have to live with that burden, you should. As CaringGuy stated, "If you don't love your fiancé, end it now."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): i am glad you have enough morals to admit to your bf that you cheated on him. at least then it shows that you have some sort of conscious after all. he deserves to know the truth. so since you have had sex with you and your bfs mututal friend where does this leave you now?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 December 2009):
You are about to pay the price for cheating. Chances are he will split from you, and the chances are he will really hate you for it. If you don't love your fiancé, end it now. He has the right to move on and find someone who will love him. Truth is, you don't. Because if you did, you just wouldn't have cheated. Meanwhile, you need to really think about what you want from your life, rather than just jump into another relationship. Focus on yourself and think about what you want.
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