A
female
age
36-40,
*LostOne
writes:It’s long, but the depth is needed.First I would like to start with a back history.. My current boyfriend and I have dated once before about 3 years ago. We lived together for about a year and one night he kicked me out due to a phone call from a guy; (that I had gone out and played pool with a few times) called me all sorts of terrible names and ended it without another word. His defense is that he was planning to propose and he freaked himself out saying it was ‘the biggest mistake of his life..’So now here he and I are again, dating for a few months now after 3 years of no talking. He came in and swooped me off my feet from a dead beat relationship that I happily ended to be with him. I have been mostly happy with him; it’s tough because we live 45 mins away and only see each other 2 days a week roughly; but work keeps us busy. Though I have started a new job as a bartender, and it isn’t a really “popping” bar, older gentlemen who like to have a few beers and a shot and watch some TV with friends. (It’s a small town.) So after a few weeks and rumors spread of a beautiful new bartender is in town; the younger crowed started to come in. I met a girl; she filled me in about the town and a few locals and said she’d come back with her brothers the next day. And she does, walking in with two handsome guys. One oldest brother is gay, the other stunning.. I couldn’t stop doing a double take. It sucked. I honestly thought to myself, “Wow, sucks I have a boyfriend... Should have stayed single for a little longer I guess… Oh well; probably has a girlfriend anyways, how could he not?” After that I started seeing him more and more. Got to know him and a few of his friends, now by name and what they drink. After a few weeks, they asked me to join them at another bar down the street after I closed. At the bar, the girls “stunning brother” as we’ll call him, and I talked more in depth than what bar chit chat we had at my restaurant. I started to realize he was an amazing person and did all the things I liked. Casually hit on me; things like, ‘your boyfriend is a lucky guy, I hope he knows that, or I’ll have to remind him’ and ‘You come off so innocent, but I know there is more; and the more I find the more I see your like a rose with a petal every color’ (That one I had never heard before and loved it) But I kept it simple, never more than a hug goodbye and a smile. Now a few more weeks later, I go out with him and his sister after work as long as my boyfriend isn’t coming down for the night. We’ve gotten a little closer and I have been flirting back lightly. All my patrons are saying how much he likes me, he’s a good guy, we should date so on and so forth. Though I would love to give it a go, I don’t want to lose my current boyfriend completely. I am still young, only 23 with my BF at 24 and this stunning guy at 28. But I do want to start settling down; I just don’t want to make a mistake. But just tonight after closing the bar early we drove over to the park and hung out for a few hours. He said that it’s getting bad that when he gets out of work all he can think about is getting to the bar as quick as he can to see me. When we decided to call it quits for the night till tomorrow, we hugged for much longer and stayed locked in each other’s arms. It was such a wonderful moment. I hastily hung my head so my hair could cover my super big smile. He laughed said that kinda failed and said good night and got out of my car. I told him to come back, confused slightly at what I missed in my daze. He sat back down smiled and said, “Do I go in for it?” and smiled and said “as much as I want you too, don’t, hold off for another day” he frowned and said alright, and I grabbed his face and kissed him on the cheek. He kissed me back on the cheek and somehow we ended kissing three times on the lips, no tongue. I smiled and said good night and drove away quickly. Now I am here writing this totally confused. God it sucks to be torn between what I know and what I could know... Any suggestions help please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Look, you have trouble written all over you right this moment in life.Good advice from others here already.But, he's 28 and gorgeous and not married....such a great guy...why isn't he married or dating steadily...no commitments and a player with you?You are cheating on your bf right now. Why? That is the real question. Why?Well, take a survey, and be honest with yourself.http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htmYou can apply these questions to any drug use, legal or not.And, if you are using "grass", it makes the other side of the fence look a lot greener because of the paranoia and subtle impacts on perception that you think are "reality" when it is "lack of real perception" that you are feeling about your current relationship.
A
female
reader, lam0111 +, writes (28 October 2010):
This is my long story, but PLEASE READ and I hope it makes you think:
I was married to a wonderful man 5 years ago. We met in college and were instant best friends. We were both taken at the time and never thought of crossing the friendship line out of respect for our significant others. Two years later and both single again we started dating. We dated for a year and broke up. I ended it because at the time I was 31 thinking of the future, marriage, children, etc. The thought of marriage gave him a look like someone was giving him cancer or something. So, I thought I was wasting my time (I was SO wrong). He wasn't a very good communicator. We were broken up for 3 years. Then we reconnected, got back together and got married.
Two years into it my dad died and I was going through so many emotions. At the time I didn't know what was going on. I got connected with an old high school classmate through a 20 yr high school reunion site. Had no intentions since I was married and completely against cheating. But this guy came across just like the guy you described. Within 6-8 months I was questioning everything. I thought I'd made a big mistake getting married. I soon thought this new guy was who I was meant to be with. He said all the right things, did all the right things, had everything that was supposedly missing in my life. I'm not a naive person AT ALL, but was so emotional after my dad passed I acted in such a naive, immature way. (I didn't see it at the time) I eventually left my husband and moved 2,500 miles away to be with this new guy. This was like some stupid fairytale all of us women grow up believing in. CRAP!
It turned out to be a disaster!! As soon as our new relationship got comfortable the switch was flipped. He treated me worse than I'd ever been treated in my life! It was the worse experience I've ever had to deal with. I'm STILL paying for it... and not just emotionally, financially too! It has been a living nightmare!
I've lost the best person I've ever had. I will always regret what I did. I have not and not sure how I can forgive myself.
Do figured out how YOU truly feel about what YOU need in your life. When you're in your 20's it's all about figuring out who YOU are. Self awareness is the best significant other you can have! If your current boyfriend isn't what you want, then end it... BUT DO NOT JUMP INTO A NEW THING FOR A WHILE. If this new guy is still around give it 3-6 months of really getting to know him before taking it to the next level. If he's worthy he'll still be there... trust me!
The grass is never greener on the other side.... it's still just grass!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): look honey my friend she had feelings for me but had a bf. her situation was like yours. she had an affair with me and that tore her apart i almost lost her friendship because of it. dont do anything with this other lad until your sure of what you want. you will end up hurting yourself. im not an expert in this so i cant tell you what to do but just dont do anything else until you have made your mind up on what you want. either way you will have to tell one of them that you don't have feelings for them even if you do. if you choose one and say to the other i still have some feelings for you they will see that as a hope and wont give up on you. my friend said this to me and if she hadnt i would be able to stop thinking about her but i cant so even though it sounds bad you will have to hurt one of them. but they will get over it.
all i can say is do whats best for you and not either of the guys.
good luck honey i hope things work out for you xoxo
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