A
male
age
51-59,
*oondcr
writes:Dear Cupid,I have a problem that I have been married for 20 years and am in love with two woman. I got married at 19 and have 2 older children. I never thought that I would ever be a cheater. My wife is one that has never supported career choices, investments ect. I have given her a very good life and she wants to stay stagnant. My wife is very quiet and is hard to get to talk to me about what she is thinking. Any Way I met a woman that is the same field that I am in we live 250 miles apart but still see each other often. She is very motivated and pushes me to be a better person. We have the same dreams and goals and seem very compatable. Although she is pressuring me to get a divorce and I am not sure I am ready. I have put in 20 years and my wife says she wants to change and support me, she does know about the girlfriend. My wife wants to try and work things out even though she has moved out. I love her very much I just dont want to be the the same situation we were in before when I know I have another wonderful girl that I also very much love. what do I do?
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male
reader, boondcr +, writes (12 December 2007):
boondcr is verified as being by the original poster of the question Update-My wife and I have been doing alot of talking about what got us where we are and if it can be repaired. I have broke it off with the girlfriend which was very hard to do. I feel like my heart was split when I do it. I may always wonder "what if" yet I realize that I have to live with the decision that I made and move forward. My wife seems to be trying to change. I know that I just have to be patient(which I admit is not easy for me). I hope it works out for us.
A
male
reader, boondcr +, writes (30 November 2007):
boondcr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank for you responses, I greatly appreciate them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): i feel that you may regret leaving your wife and you may regret staying with her, but the one thing that you have to follow your heart, but to remember what ever happens to never regret whta you have chosen. if you do think of your children and your WIFE
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (29 November 2007):
 I read your question last night, unfortunately, I did not have time to answer, so I hope you get this. First, I know someone in this same situation. Let me first start off by saying...because your wife knows about the affair, is she telling you that she will change merely because fear of the "unknown" so she feels desperate in saying to you what you want to hear? I think in order to get your answer, you must really talk with her...and I do mean really talk with her. Now as far as the girlfriend...I won't beat you with a stick and tell you you should have known better...but? Do you love your girlfriend because what she gives you is the part your wife does not? And if so, is your wife not capable of giving it to you and you not be back "in love" with her if you REALLY want your marriage to work? Or, do you love your wife, but are no longer "in love" with your wife? WE can love anyone, we can have sex with someone and it feel as if we are in love because when we do, it's that "little" extra that we again could be missing out of our life that now, is being fullfilled. No one should or want to split up a home, and no, I don't bring kids (if any) into the picture because they to one day leave the nest, but it does mentally mess with them until they become of age and hopefully, one day understand if you were to get a divorce. I think besides feeling what you feel, and saying what you say, you should think really hard about it. Pray even. I am not for divorce, but I am not against it either. The thing is, I do believe people can change, but it should and must be for the RIGHT reason, and not because of feeling "forced". I also believe that you can and will know if it's fake or if it's just a broken promise.
I think you should speak with your wife...see if there is something you could reslove and if it's well meant. If not, then even still, you could divorce, but I wouldn't jump into a relationship quite so fast. Let it, if it was meant to be..develop in time. You may find out she's not the picture perfect person that you imagine. How long have you been married? And I'm sure you still are learning things about your wife?
I do wish you the best...and I will hope and pray you find your happiness that you are looking for.
Best of Luck.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I would say on this one you have to take some time and not be around either of them for awhile while you make your decision. You should take some time by yourself, even take some time off of work if you need to so you can think about what you really want. You may end up being regretful and always wondering "what if" if you do get back with your wife, so consider what would make you happier and if you think your wife is really willing to and going to change like she says. I am assuming your kids don't live with you anymore? They are grown and moved out?
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