| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I stopped talking to my now x bf 6 mo ago. He was my consistant flame from day one to 4 yrs later but lacked mutual direction so I broke it off. Soon after, an old friend of the family found me and started picking me up on casual dates. He was my bro's best friend for 18yrs, so he blended seamlessly into my world. We ended up together, and he proposed. I said yes and when my x found out all hell broke loose, proving to god and country he was the one for me. He proposed also. Knowing my heart was still w. him, I went back...and as soon as I did, he put his obstacles up in a time when I was forced to quickly find a home which made it difficult so again I left him and went back w. my long time friend, but during that time, he forbid me to speak to my x-fiance/friend of 18yrs.Well, that didn't happen. But now that I'm back w. him, he wants me to cut ties w. my x of 4 yrs which I can't manage to do either. I would like to be friends w. one and lovers w. the other, but I'm not sure exactly who. The one like to be with or the one I'm in love with? What do I boil it down to? I can't seem to find the core. Do I boil it down to the little things about these relationships that are so equally wonderful, or is it time to focus on the negative to decide? AUUUGH. How does one go about choosing between two heavy wght champions of there own realm? Or is it about the path of least resistance now since I am a bit PTSS and to hell w. the longevity of my friendship and love w. each...this is mind splitting. insane.
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell here we are a year later, after all of the confusion. I have been able to move on finally and almost completely by this one thought. The one thing I want the most is someone who will always put me and my daughter first, and that my x will never be that person. It was that simple.
It took me almost a year to figure that out but now that I have I see no real reason to connect with him anymore, even if there's nothing like being with him.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Thats good for your bf and you real love never dies and real life will never cease. Keep believing and like you said trust your gut but always follow your heart.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW! Well the lie induced fights have finally ceased w. x of 4yrs. On top of him wanting me to push my bf out of the nest for his sorry hide (which is disagreed with) he was lying about things that were making me feel even more uncomfortable with what he was asking of me. I thought it would have been more admirable of him to get his own place if he really wanted to patch things up w. me instead of living w. his mum or his 'filler' gf. The harder I challenged everything the more red flags I discovered. The more I investigated his stories, the more I found to be untrue. But the cold hard lesson here is that I would rather know the truth then spend another minute on his lies, to always follow your gut people, even if it sounds crazy. Don't be afraid to challenge anything for what isn't solid will fall away and make room for better things in your life.
Right now I'm extremely grateful to my bf for his clippy claws, never letting me go even tho I've been taking alot of time to myself and difficult to deal with. The beauty of it all has brought me to tears.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, that didn't fly either. Couldn't be friends without fighting and the same is gonna go w. either one. That, and I couldn't take how my x was pressuring me. I told him to give me space or get out of my life. I'm going to tell my bf that I need time alone to clear my head tho. Aunt Audrey was right! I avoided doing so cause I was afraid of what they would say or do, but I can't worry about that anymore.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your reply. You touched on alot of good points. Love should win and somewhere eles in time it might, but as it stands now I left him 6 mo ago because although we are in love it was way too tumultuous when it came to going the same direction. We decided not to cut ties cause that was just too unbearable, though we did try. We just won't be together either. We love each other enough to let go in that sense. If things weren't falling into place for us when we did try to live together then to live and let live. Sometimes things don't fit because you have the wrong piece of the puzzle.
I'm going to be living with my old friend/bf as he will his, so it looks like we're goin to be friends. I have to now face telling my bf whats happened and what I've decided since he doesn't know I couldn't let go. I know there is a chance he might leave me over this, but I've come to terms with how I want it to be and if he can't accept that, I have to be ready for that too but he's not like that. We have too much going for us to throw it all away over this. Ofcourse I love them both, but in different ways and on different levels. I've got alot of things to come to terms with that I did not want to face causing this situation, so its just time for me to stop. I wanted my cake and eat it too, to be fullfilled in all ways right now. I don't plan on getting married anytime soon after all this. I really want to be 100% about it if I do. I don't want to be 'that person' standing at the isle with someone else on my mind. That I won't do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (19 April 2006):
 You seem to have been back and forth between these two guys like a yo-yo, and so I can see why one wants you to have no contact with the other, they can obviously see you would forever be tempted to change over if things were not going too well.
You say you are in love with one guy, but like to be with the other, does that mean the one you like to be with you don't love, and the one you love you don't like to be with?
Hmm....you know what, the easiest way of deciding which one you want, is to finish with the one your with, have a break, don't see either of them and then decide which one you can't live without!
I can't see either of them accepting you have a frienship with other one, so you have to decide before the decision is made for you by way of your b/f finishing with you because you won't let the other guy go.
If you are planning on marrying one of these guys you should be thinking about which one will make you happy in the long term.
I think if you are in love with one and not the other, shouldn't love win? Would you not always be drawn to the one you love even if you were to choose the other?
You have a tough decision.
Good luck!
...............................
|
