A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a real pickle at the moment..I was seeing this guy (he was my first love) around 5 years ago. We dated for 16 months and broke up because it turned into a long distance relationship and we were very young. I was broken hearted and never forgot him. About 12 months later, I met my partner who I've been with for 3 years and have a 20 month old to and am pregnant with my second child. Our relationship isn't extremely bad.. but we have had a lot of problems and he has even told me a marriage will never be on the cards and doesn't have sex with me because he doesn't like fat chicks... i am pregnant, but not fat. Anyway, this ex of mine messages me out of the blue and apologises for leaving me those 4 years ago and says we were just kids and the phone calls were leaving him broke. He says he never forgot me and doesn't want to break up a family but admitted that he loved me. I am falling for this guy but I feel like i shouldn't be. My partner is the father of my kids he works to support us all and has never turned his back on us. But then, there's the ex who seems so much more compassionate and told me that children are not an issue as he always wanted kids. I feel torn. What do i do? Am i wrong to feel these feelings??
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male
reader, Jubbajubb  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Your not wrong, especially after some of the things your current partner has said to you.Your first Priority is your children. But because of this, your equal first priority is YOU. Children are massively affected by how you are, if you are not happy then maybe you should consider a change.Having said that, you dont want to throw away a relationship that may yet work out for the words of someone you used to date. Because they may turn out to be reasonably hollow or short lived.Have you spoken to your current partner about feeling insecure/rejected ect. Because thats not an environment to raise children.I really do feel for you in this situation and hope I can help. I am a single father, the only reason me and my ex split is because she wasn't happy and she was damaging my children so sometimes biting the bullet is the only thing to do
A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (6 May 2011):
Can you see yourself staying happy and content with your current partner long into the future? Will you be happy to never get married? Have you gotten over all the other problems you mentioned? Or do you think these things will eventually get to you and cause the relationship to break up? Think very carefully about this. Also consider are these feeling about your ex mainly to do with lust or even boredom? Decide on that first and then follow through with your decision. If you decide to stay with your partner then cut contact with this ex as it will always be a temptation to cheat and break up your family. If you decide to leave your partner then you're free to pursue any relationship you want. If you have strong feelings with your ex then you two can date. Of course there's no guarantee it will work out.Whatever you choose to do, don't take the cowards way out and cheat on your partner with this ex. Or a lot of people will end up getting very hurt.
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