A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in a 4 year relationship with who i thought was the one... Im a recovering addict and upon finding this relationship i became co dependent in it, the addict history is important because i stopped going to meetings, which means i stopped being grounded and lost my completeness.. This is 6 months into the relationship.We found out she was pregnant and i was over joyed, but we became estranged due to a depression which overcame my partner, i tried to love and support her through the pregnancy and birth, she was still depressed.We had little sex and connection was nil and minimal, a month after she had given birth she was pregnant again... This made things worse and complicated things. She still battled with the depression and to cut a very long story short we broke up- something which she decided and i went along with as "a mutual" split, only to save face that i was actually hurt...Upon not getting over my ex, and seeing her on dating websites, i pushed myself to move on hoping it would make me. I met a few girls, some of which i didnt want to meet again, but one i did, for whatever reason, be it lust or what, i dunno...We kept contact and always texted and hung around. I knew i didnt love her, but i kept it going and upon the mental culmination of deciding to split up, i find out she is pregnant.. All the while i was having a sexual attraction to my ex, and i know it was only psychical..the sex is amazing..and i didnt feel that with my new partner.. And i hope maybe i could feel it over time? so now when i told my ex about the baby, she hits me with the facts she always wanted us to get back together, but was afraid we would fall into the same trap, she is better from her depression and wants to prove it to me, she has said she doesnt know how she feels but can only imagine being happy with me.So since that day i had struggled with my mind as to what i want, i ultimately became confused, my ex and i had sex again and i knew i had to stop it with my pregnant GF, out of respect for her and it wasnt fair..And what i dont get is i never cheated on any1 before, and i was never so emotionally unattached before..So im guessing i never got over my ex the first time round and thats what stopped me from feeling for my pregnant GF... so now i stand torn between 2 people, one who loves me to the end of the earth and is expecting my child, and one who has history with me and whom i feel sexually comfortable with and has kids for...So i dont know right now, i want to feel for the pregnant girl, cause she is so nice and brilliant, but i think i am battling a depression of my own and need to sort myself out first...im sorry about the Bluughhhh context of this rant but its all on my mind and i feel like im going to crack... I cant see anything clear, what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Ok you got yourself in to a bit of a mess by getting this girl pregnant when you dont love her, but am sorry i think you need to break things off with her, you have already cheated with your ex dont go down this path any longer, think of your pregnant girlfriend that thinks everything is ok and is probably planning your future right now, you need to tell her the truth you need to tell her your head is messed up and that you dont have the feelings for her that you should have, and tell her as soon as the baby is born you will be there to support the baby and pay your way but right now you need to keep your distance from her while she trys to get over you and deal with the fact that she is going to be left as a single mother which is not easy for anyone to come to terms with.
As for your ex dont jump straight back in to a relationship with her because this will hurt your current girlfriend even more take some time out on your own and sort out your head, i hope that through all of this you are supporting the two children that you have, spend your time with them but stay single for a while until you sort your head out, after a while maybe you and your ex with the two children can try again and hope that it works out.
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