A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a really big headache literally today because of a man I thought I knew but he turned out to be someone totally different and a liar.I have been dating someone for some months now - he gets on great with my child and some weekends we get together as 2 families with his child also. My child adores my boyfriend. He told me he is falling in love with me and promised to get a bigger car for us as a family to go out together to go on holidays to spend xmas together and painted a picture of a happy future together.The other night (we speak on the phone every night as we are long distance) he text that he was going to his mates house and would not call me and see me the next day. I text you could call for a minute but he text where his mate lives there is no signal - his mate lives 5 mins away from him and he never goes to his mates at night. His mate is a serial dater and always on dating sites and last week whilst on the phone to my bf I heard his text and then phone go off and he said it was his mate asking him to check out some woman on a dating site???? I said why would you go on a site-he said I deleted my profile he just wanted my opinion..anyway....some doubt was niggling me all night so I checked this particular date site and low and behold-there was my boyfriend who had actually been online that very morning advertising himself looking for a friend and lover and relationship!!! I called him up and he backtracked then said he would call me later as he was working and I had put him in shock for having a go at him!! I said you promised xmas and the earth to my child he said I need time to think and will call you later.He text that he was sorry it was his fault and he was happy being with me and could he still come around.I told my child I was not happy with my bf but the reply I got was sobbing not to end it with him as my child adores him!!I text you have to understand how shocked I was to see you on a date site but yes come around. My child was over the moon to see him.When my child was in bed he then went on to say maybe he had not been taking the relationship seriously and that he does only 'look' at the site to see who was there and as I do not allow him as a friend on my facebook he thought I was hiding something and thought if I could talk to men he could talk to women??? He blamed everything on me!!! He said he wanted another chance and would 'hide' his profile. hide???? why still have a profile when he is talking of a future and being in a relationship with me???? He said he is falling in love with me and was sorry and would like to start again. I have met his family and he has taken me out as his girlfriend and he has promised my child the earth!! My heart and my head hurts today. When he got home last night he text I was the only one for him. This morning I text him that today was day one of a new beginning. He text yes I know. I hope to God he has not actually gone and met women behind my back. I only went to see my friend the other night and he did not like it as I was not home when he rang my house.He said he has been checking to see if I have a profile anywhere?? When we met he asked me not to go on date sites anymore as he wanted me to be 'his beautiful princess' He asks if any men contact me..one rule for one??? I speak to an ex and he knows that but he says how would I feel if he was talking to an ex. I am not advertising myself as looking for a relationsip! he says he is not - he goes on the site sometimes and just looks???? He said he is scared of being alone so I said oh you have someone lined up in case we don't work out? he said no I didn't mean that but I am worried that we wont work out and then I will be on my own again.I thought I knew him - but he has turned from a prince back into a frog!! My child is really worried that I will finish with my boyfriend - I want a family life that he promised but I want to trust him and want him to trust me. I have for the past few months sat back and fallen in love with someone I don't even know!!Keeping his options open but telling me and my child he loves us??? what is wrong with the man!!I have a lot of friends who are advising me to get rid of him before I get mine and my child's heart broken.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes you are right a woman scorned and all that lol
I had mail from the 'mate' who said he only logged in to see if I was there and left his private numbers! lol I messaged him back 'you can't kid a kidder!'
I have not yet finished the relationship it is still hurting but I feel I cannot see a future together as he would like 'start afresh' as I don't trust him or anything he says.I feel as I said - that this is not real. He said he now knows that I ...I? can be trusted and that I was serious about HIM?? and that he loves me and wants me in his and his childs life. My ex husband lied all the time I am not going through that again it is like an illness!
I sit here looking out of the window up at the sky right now watching the life I have been given waste away up there in those black clouds. I feel like I have planted a beautiful rose bush-given my heart and all I got were nettles and weeds and they are strangling my heart.
I would love to get him to fall in love with me and rip his heart out and stamp all over it! but that is a waste of more of my precious time not to mention my childs.
I will keep posting until I open the weed killer and the weeds/feelings have withered away lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for taking the time to reply.
I was a bit deceitful yesterday - made up a profile of a woman who would be perfect for my bf and lives around the corner from him. All his likes and dislikes etc. Basically - a honeytrap.
Irony!! lol - his mate messaged her!!! lol the LIES he told!! I know about his mate and how long he has been dating etc..he told this woman I made up that she was the first he had contacted and he was looking for a relationship...BS! lol We chatted back and forth for ages and he was loving it! He said he wants to meet me at the weekend.
Late that night - my bf phoned and he was so loving towards me and making plans for the future ( he seems more interested in the future than the now) He said his mate has started seeing someone and would I like to go out as a foursome - he said his mate doesnt use the site and is happy with his new lady. HUH! lol That would be so wrong to go out with his new lady after knowing what he does at night on the internet.
Oh dear - too much time on my hands.
Today I saw a mediation counsellor family and child about problems with my child/marriage split etc and told them about my bf and how my child feels...after talking all morning to these people I now feel that my relationship with my bf is not real. My heart has physically been hurting and churning since last week and I cannot take the pain anymore and am going to have to end it before my daughter gets hurt. I say this now but when he calls me later I will probably melt again...but he gives me words and not actions...I do not feel loved and it is not real.
He lies. How can I have a 'real' life with him? When him and his child went home at the weekend - where my bf would text to let me know they were home safe..he did at the usual time of arriving. Then on the phone that night he told me that he had actually lied and that he had gone shopping but did not want to worry me??? That makes no sense at all???
If I start looking for someone else...I will get hurt all over again but I hate feeling lonely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replyHe came here today with his child and we all had a great 'family' day out. I cannot forget what he did though and have made a few comments. He is annoyed with me and says he did nothing wrong..I have been working from home and sometimes not working - he said how is he supposed to know if I have been chatting to men during the day. How is he supposed to know what I am up to? He is not allowed on my facebook and thinks I have been up to no good talking to men on there and all he did he says was look at who was 'out there' as we have only just met and he didn't know how it would turn out. Ok so 'looking' but with a profile that says he is looking for a friend and a lover??? He says the profile is more than a year old and he thought he had hidden it. All the while these past months I have been falling in love with him thinking I was the only one for him - he says I am the only one for him. I swore at him as I got frustrated with his stories and excuses changing...he said don't you ever swear at me again and it seems that this is going to bite me in the bum for the rest of our time together...making me feel like I was the one in the wrong??? He said he loves me a little bit and wants to take things slowly...we are not dating anymore and are in a relationship and years to come if things work ok we will live together he says. He seems to call all the shots...when he comes here...he says he does not want to see someone all the time and enjoys his independance and spending time with his child. which is half the week??? wants more time with his child??? yes he is a good dad but there has to be a balance if he wants a relationship and not just dating.He made an excuse not to stay at mine and left early evening saying he was taking his child out early in the morning then contradicted himself..I said if you don't want to stay here just say and not make excuses! he said if he did not want to be with me or stay at mine he would tell me. He was so good to my child again today talking of the future - going swimming/spending xmas together etc... Next weekend we are child free and he wants us to go on a foursome with his mate who is a serial dater and apparantly encouraging my bf to go on the dating site with some new woman his mate will pick up. I said I am not interested in his mate and refused to do it. I want to spend the weekend just the two of us. Anyway...I shall be working full time after next week so my mindset will hopefully change and life will get better. I hated him this morning before he came here and was going to end it...but when I see how good he is as a 'family' I melt and fall in love again. Anyway...thanks for taking the time to reply.
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