A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im been since this guy for 8 months and im totally in love with him, theres a connection there big time and always have a fairly good sex life, but hes in a reltionship for the past 4y ears and admits he does love her and now ive found out im 2 months pregnant he wants me to have a abortion. he wants to stay friends but in between that we just ended back in bed together, im not one for abortion ive one child already from past relationship. i do love him what will i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): i wouldnt do it unless it was your own decision, thats crazy, i would take care of the kid all by myself before i'd abort it, but snce he said that about your child you should milk him for the expenses. kill your kid to please a guy who dont want it to interfer the girl hes cheated on, sounds like you're the babies last hope for someone to care about him/her. my kid's dad denies her, but my new boyfriend man'd up and i've come to find that she doesnt need her real dad one bit. i had an abortion when i was 16, and i still regret it o this day, i have nightmares of a litle baby being slammed into the wall and having its head busted open, or sometimes of a baby being stabbed to death by a doctor, and i simply aborted mine with just a pill. its a hard thing to put behind yourself, and im not sure if i ever will get past it. you def. have a big descion to make
A
female
reader, smiles2010  +, writes (4 November 2010):
i have just had a baby and at first i was going to have an abortion but im soooo glad i didnt!! my babys 4months old now and she meens the world to me!! ul never fogive your self if you do it and wasnt 100percent and expecialy over a man xx good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Your body, your fetus, your decision. Abortion is illegal here anyway and it's expensive and time consuming to go north or across the pond to get it done.
You may love him but to him you're just his bit on the side, the fact he wants you to get an abortion is just more evidence that he doesn't see you as a long term prospect. He doesn't want to get tied down to you plus he probably doesn't want the girl he truly loves to find out about it.
Forget him in this decision. He doesn't have a say in this.
OP if you get an abortion only because you love him and are doing it for him, when you really don't want to. You will regret it the rest of your life. You're two months in and you've had a child already so you know you're already starting to feel a bond with the little one inside of you. If you're against abortion and feel you would be killing a life, then you will only learn to hate this man for making you do it. Even women who from the beginning knew they wanted an abortion often feel a great sense of loss. Plus there's the risk of irreparable damage to your womb.
You see what I'm getting at? Basically these are all things you must decide, if you do this just for him, you will absolutely hate him.
Just to be clear I'm completely pro choice, I'm not anti abortion at all. I actually believe it should be legal in Ireland. But I also believe that as a man, if I'm stupid enough to ejaculate inside a woman who's not on birth control when I don't want a child then after that act I don't get a say in the matter. It's not my body, not my choice what happens to it. I've had that situation before and I told the girl that I would comply with whatever she decided except adoption (I would raise the child alone in those circumstances). I said if it was my body I'd abort because we were not ready to become parents but if she decided to keep it I would love that too and be there for her and the child for the rest of our lives.
In the end she opted for abortion, I paid for everything and went with her to the clinic in London. She doesn't regret having the abortion because she felt for her it was the right option, but still to this day she feels something missing.
Again OP no matter how much you love this guy, if you want to keep this baby then do. If you get rid of it solely because he wants you to and only because you want to keep being his meaningless bit on the side then you'll not only hate him for it but you'll hate yourself for letting him decide it. It might be different if you were in a loving committed relationship with him but you're not and after 8 months your still just his "friend".
He doesn't get a say.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (4 November 2010):
It sounds perhaps that this guy wants the best of both worlds.
He has got his girlfriend of four years who he says he loves, but clearly there is something not right given he has been seeing you for eight months.
You say he wants to stay just friends but end up in bed in between which shows there is chemistry between you.
It seems though that while you have fallen in love, he is happy staying with his girlfriend and having you on the side.
I'm sure you don't need me to point out to you the issue of contraception given you weren't in a relationship with but, but it's happened now and you are pregnant.
The tables have turned on him and he either wants an abortion because he really does want to stay with his girlfriend (probably for convenience and realised what has happened), or more likely doesn't want to be tied down or found out.
Only you can decide whether a) you want to keep the baby and b) whether you want him to play a part.
I'm sure you will have the support of the people around you whichever decision you make.
You have to do what's best for you.
I can't say what the reaction would be from his end or what the fall-out would be, but this is your life, your situation and you have to deal with it the way you see fit.
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