A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mum found out that my dad had been cheating on her although their marriage,she told him to leave he came to stay with me and my wife as he had nowhere else to go,my wife did not want him at our house because of the things he had done so i spoke to my mum and she took him back. my dad told me he loved my mum and was sorry for all the hurt he has caused and would never go behind her back or lie he never realised what he nearly lost.I let him know how i felt and how i could no longer trust him.They have been getting on alright or so i thought but my mum has bruises and had a black eye she openly told me my dad was hitting her but loved him and she could nt make it on her own and she knows he loves her and he sorry for everything and he will never cheat on her again and he is on the waiting list for anger management.I feel so useless i spoke to my dad and told him that no man should hit a woman and he said that my mum winds him up about his affairs and tells him she only with him as she got no where else to go and if he wants to leave then leave.I am torn between the two of them,my mum for all she had to deal with, knowing my dad is not the person we all thought he was i am scared for my mum but i also love them both what can i do ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Confront him about the hitting. No man shold hit his woman and visa versa
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 If he loved her, he won't hit her. Love includes not wanting to see the other person in pain. I'm sure you've heard the term "tough love". That's what is needed here. So, she winds him up. An excuse to hit, NO.
There are waiting lists for anger management? Your county must have a lot of angry people, or less behavior professionals needed to adequately provide anger management training.
With her having bruises. I'd recommend notifying the police department to their domestic violence. I'd also recommend your mom speak with a victims advocate in your area. They can direct her to properly be counseled. Understand this as well. Although your mom is not being physically violent. Her chipping away at him, telling him to leave and she has no reason to be with him, but then staying, is also domestic violence. It's a form of verbal abuse, which both types of violence will have lasting negative impacts on both your mom and dad. In this situation, both your parents are slowly chipping away at each other, and they will continue loosing their self esteems because of what the other one is doing. It's too dangerous for either of them being in the same place without active counseling beginning.
You can direct them, have police involved, be there, and worry, but don't allow their bad relationship to interfere with your marriage.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (2 March 2009):
 I think you need to side more with your mom on this. It's hard when someone doesn't turn out the way you think they are suppose to be, but you need to realize that until/if your dad changes, he shouldn't be with your mom nor should your mom having any use for him. You said it right that no man should ever hit a woman.. I would include even if she was winding him up.. Unless she is coming at you with a meat cleaver or trying to kill you, you should never hit a lady. But you have every right to be scared for your mom. Your dad unfortunately is troubled and should be left alone until he seeks and gets help. You definitely need to get him to go seek help ASAP.
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